Life According to William: Mom Is Big, He Has Somalia, and Our Old House is Better

One day after I had A W walked into my room while I was changing... His eyes widened and he froze: "Mom, you're big!" 

I cringed. He probably thought that I would have the baby and then just be normal again. So, I explained it took time. Then I explained that he shouldn't say those things to people because it can hurt feelings and it's complicated.  But I told him that I appreciated his honesty.

Just to never repeat anything like that to anyone again.

-

The other day B  and A had diarrhea. It was gross. Matt and I were openly talking about it, wondering what it was from... A touch of the flu? Some bad food?

A little while later I hear a little voice from the bathroom... "Mom, I had a big poop. Do I have Siberia?"

-

W constantly asks whether we can move back to our old house, but keep this one so he can still use the swing set. He insists that he doesn't care that it was small and there were three kids sharing limited space. It was tight. But none of that matters to a five year old.

This post was inspired by the novel Dad Is Fat by comedian Jim Gaffigan who riffs on his adventures co-parenting 5 kids in a two bedroom Manhattan apartment. I also wrote a post about a conversation that this book provoked on Chicago Parent.

Join From Left to Write on April 22 we discuss Dad Is Fat. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Our word for 2014: LIVE

MAN, 2013 was a doozy. It started out pretty well. Lots of snuggling with a new baby. Matt started a new, much more demanding job. I went down to part-time at work. We decided to house hunt in March and then things got off course. We found a house, got into a bidding war, and then slowly entered the nightmare that would be the next six months of dealing with actually getting into the house. We spent weeks preparing our house to put on the market and it sold within days to lovely people. Moved in with my parents for four weeks, which turned into about four months. My sister had a baby. We finally moved. The Gala I work on came quickly after that and I was consumed with work. We raised $3.7 million. We hosted Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, and then my sister's baby shower in the span of two weeks.

I'm sure I'm missing lots of things in there... A started walking. B started eating... sometimes. We decided to keep W in preschool because of his late birthday. We got new tires on our SUV and a new bed for our room. We spent time in Michigan and Wisconsin. B took a bad fall, that resulted in a concussion and stitches. W had a million cavities filled (poor thing has my teeth). B started preschool. We were gifted an awesome swing set and Matt took it apart and put it back together. My grandpa died. I started contributing to Chicago Parent.

What I'm trying to say is it was always something and we kind of just put our heads down and hunched our shoulders waiting for the next thing to fall on us. After March we didn't have any real time to just BE. We made a lot of quick decisions that resulted in major changes. Our family was in a domino effect... Things just started going and we were running from place to place, making decision after decision. Our life completely changed in 2013. Like COMPLETELY. We went through some very stressful times. A lot that I didn't share here... As I posted half of the number of times that I had in previous years.

So, in 2014... We're going to focus on the word: LIVE. We need to be in every moment, focus on the things that will just allow us to live our lives every day in the best way. It might sound silly, I'm sure. But, we're really trying to live our lives in 2014 and get out from the changes that were so consuming in 2013 when we spent a lot of time with our heads down, trying to run from one thing to the next or weighed down by the stress of our day to day lives. And piece by piece we'll bring our home renovations to light for all of you... And then you'll see what we were dealing with!

Do you have a word for 2014?

HAPPIER In Our New Home, But Still Purging

We are finally getting settled into our new home (which as I say again and again should explain the relative silence around here). Things are good. We renovated this house, so picked out practically everything in it. It's tailored to our tastes... Our colors. Our tile. Our cabinets. We're happier in this house than we were in the last house. But there is so much we miss from our old house. The same way I still miss things from my old vintage apartment near Wrigley and our first shared apartment in Bucktown. You might be in a better space, but there is so much to miss at the same time. And sometimes all of your old things just don't fit in your new space.

When we decided to get our old house ready to put on the market a high school classmate of mine put up a Facebook post about a garage sale to support her family's fundraising efforts for cystic fibrosis. I emailed her to let her know I would happily bring stuff over that I thought was sell-able and filled the back of my SUV with clothes, kids toys, books, kitchen wares. It felt great to purge and know it would support a good cause.

We have a ton more room in the new house. More closets, more storage, more cabinet space. More of everything. But I'm trying as hard as I can to make sure we don't just fill the space with stuff. To make sure that everything has its place and is something useful. So, as unpacking started I found myself questioning why I should hang onto things. And then I started repacking boxes of stuff for the garage sale I plan to have this year. Now I'm determined to have the biggest and best garage sale known to suburbia.

A few years ago I made a deal with myself to always say YES when a donation truck was in the area... It helped me clean stuff out and keep the donate bag from overflowing and I donated a lot over the years. Looking forward to my new plan for purging and making a little money at the same time, so for the next six months I'm hanging onto it instead of leaving it by the front door. Win/Win - right?

Do you donate or sell stuff you no longer need? Any garage sale tips to share?

This post was inspired by Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin where she runs a nine month experiment to create happier surroundings. Join From Left to Write on January 6 we discuss Happier at Home. You can also chat live with Gretchen Rubin on January 7 on Facebook! As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

When Refinishing Turns Into Renovating

If I were a better blogger or could stuff one more thing into my days or slow down long enough to get my thoughts straight you would know that we are still living with my parents. You'd know that our original plan to paint, refinish floors, and replace windows was merely the entrance into our home renovation rabbit hole. Now we're pretty much gutting the house... Not much in this house will go untouched.

We didn't have a choice. Once you open walls you can't just let certain things go. Once you learn about the previous owner you can't just un-learn that they were basically your worst nightmare. Once you imagine your kids in the house you realize you were totally insane to think any of it could wait.

Once you jump down the rabbit hole there is no turning around. So, we're all in. ALL in. It's major. It's been more than two months since we took possession of the house and we've got about three weeks before we move in. We're on our second dumpster. The big dumpsters.

So, every night I've been choosing paint colors and counter tops and pulls and windows and glass doors and light fixtures and toilets and sinks and tile and newel posts and faucets and cabinets and appliances and shower doors and trim and baseboards and door knobs and furnaces and other things I can't even remember choosing. And then I sit and do the math all over again. Because when I said we're renovating I meant it. Just you wait and see!

Creating Our New Home

We bought a new house, but we’re not living in it just yet… Why?

Because of rooms like this…

Nothing says move in ready like coral colored border.

 

And this….

Our foundation needed a little bit of help.

 

Oh, and this is the pile of carpet and draperies we pulled out of the house…

1964 called. It wants its drapes and carpet back.

And we continue to learn new things that keep us from moving in. They’re piling up and so is the cost. My contractor is probably tired of hearing me ask: “How much is that going to cost?!?!” And my parents are kind enough to let us stay with them and pretend it’s no big deal. 

It’s stressful in a way I can’t explain. These aren’t just little issues that keep popping up. We’re dealing with major problems, but luckily everything is fixable. My kids miss their house. W asks every day about his toys and when we’ll get to go home. We’ve avoided play dates with our neighbors because it would just be too hard for W. I drove by the old house the other day to pick some mail up from a neighbor, thinking I was safe with just B and A. And as I turned the corner, passing our old driveway B started yelling “Home. My house! Home!” Our home - the only house our kids have ever known - is no longer ours. The heated floor that made our winter days so cozy, the mural Matt labored over for weeks, the new kitchen that I finally finished all belong to another family now. And we have a house that we don't even live in.

But, here’s the thing, we bought this house because of what it will be, not because of what it is today. We bought this house because I fell in love with it. I could see the house in five, ten years - not in 2013. And that’s why we bought our old house, the house we cried about leaving. I saw the same things in that house, the same potential that I see in this one.

I want my kids to remember this house fondly. I want it to be filled with laughter and fun and warmth (even without a heated floor). We bought it because it was a house that allowed us to put our mark on it. We will have to touch every inch of this house, whether with paint, refinished floors, new windows, appliances, tile… The list is endless. But, this allows us to create our own family home, not step into the choices of someone else.

I hope it all works out the way I envision it. I hope it is everything I feel like my family needs. And, most of all, I hope my kids always feel like this house is their home. I hope they'll come back and visit from whatever part of the country or world they're living and always feel that fullness inside of them.

This post was inspired by the novel This Is Paradise by Kristiana Kahakauwila, a collection of short stories that shares a view of Hawaiians few tourists ever experience - one of Hawaii as home. Join From Left to Write on August 8 as we discuss This Is Paradise.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.