The Business of Birth

For the From Left to Write Book Club we read Tiny Sunbirds, Far Away by Christie Watson. This post is inspired by the book.

Birthing. It's big business here in the States. Expectant mothers plan for the big moment for the better part of those 40 weeks. It's normal for people to inquire about what week you're in, the name of your doctor, where you'll deliver, whether you're having a boy or girl, the name of the baby, if the nursery is ready to go... And then afterward you can count on perfect strangers asking how your delivery went, if you opted to have an epidural, if you're breast feeding, how long you pushed, if you needed a c-section... You don't just have a baby, it becomes the focal point of life. So, as you near the end of pregnancy, you start to obsess a little about the big delivery. OK, maybe YOU don't. But, I do.

My first delivery did not go well. It was long and scary and nasty and has details that make friends of mine reconsider having children. But, it wasn't bad enough to keep me from getting myself back into the same situation. So, here I am... Four days away from my due date and willing labor to start, yet totally freaked out about actually having to go through it.

W's birth could have gone so very wrong. His head was turned up and to the right (I've since heard this described as "sunny side up") and after three hours of pushing his heart rate was rapidly dropping and I was struggling. Things were not looking good. Enter forceps. And I'll stop the story here, but if you're interested you can read a little more here.

For me, there was something both sobering and totally frightening about reading a book in which the twelve-year-old narrator is training to be a birth attendant (aka midwife) in Nigeria. When you're thinking about child birth every day, hoping for a better outcome, feeling resentful about your first bad experience... Well, it's scary to read about labor, especially when they go wrong.

But, at the same time, it's sobering to read about women in huts, laying on the dirt floor, panting. Midwives being called in the middle of the night, washing their hands in polluted water, with a rag and knives as tools. Struggling through the pain in the dark heat with a tween delivering your baby. It makes my impending labor at a top-rated women's hospital sound like a weekend stay at a hotel.

I think of all this and my complaining and whining is suddenly much less warranted.

This post was inspired by Tiny Sunbirds, Far Away by Christie Watson, which I received complimentary as part of the From Left to Write Book Club. To see how this book inspired other bloggers visit From Left to Write.

My NBC Chicago Spot

After a few mentions and an unfulfilled promise that I would post the video, I finally have the ability to share my few minutes of on-air exposure. I had a lot of fun that morning. The people at NBC 5 are the best and made me feel really comfortable. And they thought I did a solid job, which made me happy.

So, here you go... I give you my tv spot. Not the best quality, but you get the idea. I was totally unprepared for how much screen time my hands were going to get. Notice I made the good decision to get a manicure the day before this! (Please let me know if you'd like to book me for a hand modeling job.)



And, may I remind you, this was only the first activity of a long day that included hosting a bachelorette party... on a bus... at a Jimmy Buffett concert. Man, it was a long day.

For the record, Nesita Kwan is one of the smallest women ever, which might explain my giant appearance. (I even wore very low wedges and offered to take my shoes off, but she was cool with it.)

For more information on the items I reviewed, check out the post I did on them.

Disclaimer: I received all of these items complimentary and am not a paid commentator for NBC 5 (yet!).

So Long, Chicago Moms Blog

It's been about a year since I started contributing to Chicago Moms Blog and a couple of weeks ago the news broke that the site and its regional sister sites will no longer be operating as of July 1st. I was shocked, then bummed, but I knew that the leadership in the Chicago Moms Blog community would take advantage of the opportunity. I'm excited for a new chapter, but beyond appreciative of the time I had to contribute to Chicago Moms Blog.

Contributing to the site helped me to stop wincing when I said "mom blogger" out loud. It allowed me to grow confidence and work on my "mom voice," to get to know other mom bloggers in the area, mingle with sponsors, and it was through my affiliation with this group that the NBC spot came my way. I joined the Book Club, which got me reading and thinking and writing in a way I have not in a really long time. Being a contributor gave me deadlines and goals for posting, it gave me a reason to have to post. I found a space for myself as a mom in Chicago.

So, when the news broke I went through my concerns, but like I said, I knew that if I sat tight a new opportunity would present itself. And it has. (Details to come in mid-July.) For now, if you want to look back at my time with Chicago Moms Blog, you can see my posts here.

And if you have some extra time on your hands, check out the rest of the Chicago Moms Bloggers here. You'll be seeing more of them in the new Chicago group. Just wait and see.

Aunt Paula Sounds Very Familiar To Me

For the SV Moms Book Club this month we read Girl in Translation, the story of an immigrant Chinese girl, Kim, and her mother's struggle to make it in the U.S.

My mom is an immigrant, which most people don't realize about her. She moved here from Venezuela as a young girl, but it isn't something that has shaped our lives too much. She doesn't speak with an accent, my sisters and I aren't bilingual, and we don't have any traditions that seem foreign. It's a non-issue, for the most part. In this way, she was very different than the Chinese immigrants in the story, who held tight to tradition and their own culture. However, my mom's relationship with her siblings is very much like the relationship between the book's main characters and their family.

In the book, Kim's Aunt Paula takes advantage of her family's desperation, attempts to control their choices, and then punishes them for their achievements. She is a terrible character, one most people may not believe could be real. Except, I know that family can be that way. I've experienced it first hand with my mom's family. All of the emotions I saw play out between the aunt and her sister and niece are the same my mother has struggled with for years. While Aunt Paula did help Kim and her mother through health issues and travel costs. The debt was far too great and was made only worse by the issue of family pride and respect.

I have aunts who are very similar to Aunt Paula. We've never been indebted to them, but the idea of family and pride has manifested itself in vicious ways. Like Kim, once I became old enough, I started to see through the fog of family. Years ago I vowed that some of them would not be welcomed into my own family once I had one. I've drawn the line. My mom, however, has held onto hope that things will get better, that they don't mean what they say or do, that one day she'll have a normal family. Other than an aunt who I love dearly, the rest have continued with their charades and my mom has tried to excuse everything they do with the understanding that they're "family."

As Kim did in the book, I've seen through their antics and am now a threat to them, so naturally I've become the center of their attacks. My aunts have decided that I've turned my mom against them, that I don't show them enough respect, and have made up incredible lies about me, which have resulted in personal attacks. The things is, I don't care what they say, because they matter so little in my life.

For my mom it's heart breaking. She is trying to learn to accept that her siblings are toxic, yet still loves them despite it. She has accepted a lot from them over the years, made excuses for why we have to see them, put on a happy face when people ask about her family. Maybe it was that initial feeling of "otherness" that they shared when they first moved here that makes her feel like she has to stick by them. And, maybe it was the frustration of being in a foreign land with new customs and a huge language barrier that has been translated into anger by my relatives. It couldn't have been easy for them to be dropped into the North Shore from a life in Venezuela with an Italian father and Venezuelan mother. I know it was difficult to be Hispanic in white, upper class America in the 1960's, even if they were only half. Was that the experience that created the situation they're in today?

I'm sure my mom won't be happy that I'm writing this post, airing my feelings toward the family that isn't. But, they don't read my blog. And after I finished the book all I could think about was how familiar Aunt Paula felt to me and how sad that is for all of us. Acceptance and openness about the things you can't change is the first step in moving forward, so I'm trying to move forward for all of us.

This post was inspired by Girl In Translation by Jean Kwok, which I received complimentary as a part of Chicago Moms Blog (Silicon Valley Moms Group) Book Club. See how other moms were inspired by this book here.

Labor Envy

Check out my new post at Chicago Moms Blog about labor envy.

I swore I'd never be one of those women who recounts the yucky details of her labor story. And I haven't. There would be no way to really do it justice.

I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced

For the SV Moms Book Club I read I Am Nujood, Age 10 And Divorced and maaaaannnnn. Rough read, but inspiring. I wasn't even sure how I would begin a post about it. For the book club we write a post inspired by the book, so I tried to figure out what it inspired in me. I'm still not sure.

But, I know this: I know women who feel that they are trapped in marriages. Women who feel that they were forced or pressured into a marriage by their family. Pride, respect, power, financial gain, security... These are all reasons Nujood was married off at the terribly young age of ten. And these are the same reasons young women here feel pushed into getting married as well. There may not be contracts or dowries, but guilt and fear can be as strong.

I've become accustomed to women who tend to use their situation as an excuse. I'm unhappy, so _____________ (you fill in the blank). In my experience it ends with that person lashing out at someone else, hoping to push off their unhappiness and insecurities off on another. Reading about a child who was able to take her forced marriage and daily sexual and physical abuse and turn it into a force of power and determination... Well, that's just something else.

I'm not judging women who get swallowed up by it, but I am judging those who channel it in mean spirited, hurtful ways toward other people. If Nujood can pull together the strength to reclaim her life and happiness, I hope one day they will as well. Too bad the people I'm thinking of in particular don't look at this blog.

This post was inspired by I am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced, which I received complimentary as a part of Chicago Moms Blog (Silicon Valley Moms Group) Book Club.

Yes, I Live On The North Shore, But That's Not Why I Think I'm Better Than You

I live on the North Shore. Judge away. I judge people all the time. And, yes, those who know me best know that I tend to get on a superior high horse when it comes to people who I feel are hurtful, selfish, stupid, rude, etc. etc. And, yes, I feel like I am better than those people. (Save the lectures.)

You may not like to hear this, but at least I'm honest. Everyone thinks they're better than *some* people, because if they didn't there would be nothing to strive for. No moral code to uphold. No need to try to be honest, to try to be charitable and kind. We need to compare ourselves to others to strive to be better, to not sink down to that level. Right? (Please, no psychoanalyzing.)

Some people are not smart, do not take responsibility, are scared and selfish. But, a zip code does not create that in people. Check out my new Chicago Moms Blog post for my thoughts on The North Shore Stigma.

Honestly, if I think I'm better than you, it has nothing to do with either of our zip codes and more to do with the type of person you are.

How Can You Protect Your Kid From Random Violence?

I've been terribly disturbed by the recent bat attack on two young women in Bucktown. It happened so close to our old place and reminded me the many, many dangerous positions I put myself in (without realizing it most of the time) when I was in my early 20's. It was pure luck that allowed me to safely make it home every night. Luck, not smarts.

As the parent of a toddler, I worry for his day to day safety. Concerns generally include running into the street, splitting his head open on the corner of the coffee table, falling off of a slide, or something of the kind. These seem to be somewhat controllable factors in life now.

What about all those jerks out there who somehow roam around with no respect for other people and no value for life? How will I be able to control his safety then? Check out my recent post for Chicago Moms Blog.

Mom Renewal

I've started contributing to The Mom Renewal Project, a blog run by fellow Chicago Moms Blogger, Stacey Hoffer Weckstein. Here's the tagline: Recharge Yourself – Body, Mind, and Spirit – so You can Live Your Best Live as a Woman, Mom, and Partner.

Cool, right? I've really been focusing on being better in every way (cheesy, but true), so it seems like a good fit for where I am now. I can't tell people how to be renewed, but I can show someone what it looks like to be trying to get there.

Here's my first post about working from home. Check it out.

Just Let Me Lie Down

Calling their bluff: The first reaction I have toward moms who claim that they run five miles a day, hold down a full time job, clean and organize their house themselves, go to church, volunteer, use coupons, cook an organic roast every night, and sew their kids clothes. If I hear the term "Who says a mom can't have it all?!?!" I begin to itch and slowly question each moment of their day for verification.

Mom, it's not your fault: The list of things I admittedly cannot do at age 31, but my mom seemed to be born to do. I don't know how to replace a button loose enough to actually use the button ever again. I've never made a turkey and won't until forced to host Thanksgiving. Wrapping gifts is a nightmare for me, so I will always opt to use gift bags. I've never made a loaf of bread.

One outta three ain't bad: For the first year of motherhood I was lucky if I wore make up, ironed my pants, and dried my hair for work. I always made sure one of these was accomplished so not to be totally worthless.

Sweet relief: When you get on the train on your way to work, take a deep breath, and realize you have 30 minutes of private, personal silence ahead of you. These are the only moments of the day that are just for me and I usually spend half of it trying to figure out if I should spend the time checking my email, returning a phone call, or reading a book.

This post was inspired by Just Let Me Lie Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-Insane Working Mom, which I received complimentary as a part of Chicago Moms Blog (Silicon Valley Moms Group) Book Club.

Frenemies

I had a post up on Chicago Moms Blog today.... Don't ask who it's about. I'll never tell.

Accent

OK, OK, maybe I've developed what I'd like to call a "mom accent." I'm sure this isn't a surprise to most people, but I'm admitting it. That's probably a bigger surprise, right?

Check out my new post of Chicago Moms Blog.

I Wish It Was Easier Being Green

I consider myself to be pretty “green.” I’d dare say I’m “greener” than the next person, which isn’t too hard when you consider how non-green some people are (tsk, tsk) these days. But, I have so much work to do. And I get overwhelmed to think about it, because it’s hard to keep up and stay ahead of the guilt.

Back in March I listed the changes I’d made in pursuit of a greener lifestyle, but then I read National Geographic’s Green Guide Families and I felt practically paralyzed. How can you lead a somewhat normal life while still abiding by all the green rules? There are just so many things to think about. How do you keep it all straight? (And not go completely broke?)

We moved into a house that is over 50 years old. I have no idea what’s in the walls. I am sure there is a layer of lead paint in here somewhere, asbestos, and plenty of scary stuff in the dark corners of the basement. The thought of uncovering all that may be hiding in this old house of ours puts me (and our bank account) over the edge. Ignorance does have its perks. Instead, I’m lying awake considering what might be lurking in our house.

I even start to question some of the progress I have made. For instance, I’ve bought all new energy efficient light bulbs, but some of my energy sucking light bulbs are still working. Do I just replace them before it’s really necessary? Isn’t that in itself wasteful? Throwing away light bulbs to sit in a landfill?

I also bought all new “green” cleaning products. So, should I just throw the old stuff away? That doesn’t seem right. When I treated myself to a cleaning service last month, the lady was very disappointed in the cleaning product options I gave her. She found the old stuff and then called me into the kitchen to show me how much better they worked. I tried to explain that they were toxic, but her limited English and my shock that she found the products made for tough conversation. And, I have to admit, there was a rough winter month when I convinced myself that switching to safer cleaning products was resulting in a much sicker family as we passed around colds and respiratory infections for weeks.

I know that I’m making better decisions, but I wrestle with the wasteful nature of “out with the old.”

I need to give myself a break and I’m willing to bet most moms are in the same green boat. It's OK that I’ll never give up deodorant or lotion. I tried the recycled paper towels and most likely won’t go back. I can’t only buy locally grown produce exclusively. I may never learn to rely solely on vinegar and baking soda for my cleaning needs. But, that is all OK.

Instead I’m patting myself on the back for the little changes that we Hannemaniacs have made in our quest to be green. Today we christened our new composter with the scraps from last night’s dinner and plenty of stuff from the yard. I already know that we’ll considerably cut down the amount of trash at our curb each week. Baby steps are a big deal. And the awesome index in this book will help me along the way.

This post was inspired by Green Guide Families, The Complete Reference for Eco-Friendly Parents by Catherine Zandonella, which I received complimentary as a part of Chicago Moms Blog (Silicon Valley Moms Group) Book Club.

First Get Together

Tonight was my first Moms Blog event for Chicago Moms Blog/SV Moms Group. It was hours of chatting, tasting, mom meeting, sponsor meeting, schwag accepting, and on and on. And, seriously, I'm tired. But, I gotta say, it's nice to go to events that I'm not managing. It's not often I'm on the other end of these things.

I'm just starting to get my feet wet in terms of blogging. I don't even have cards. Like most moms I didn't start this blog with huge intentions, just a way to keep friends and family involved in our lives... Oh yeah, and to keep myself sane and to not feel so bad for not filling in a baby book for William.

Met a lot of great, cool, smart women who I've grown to kinda know through their blogs and profile pictures, which is always cool. Wish I could get into all the details. There was a lot of stuff to think about. But first I have to get through all of this stuff that I walked out the door with:

My Kid Eats Anything... Finger Food or Not

As I've mentioned time and again, William eats just about anything. He is incredibly easy and, yes, I am very thankful. (I know this can change at any moment.) So, since I have an easy eater, I tend to keep it simple and throw together things we have in the house.

Top 100 Finger Foods by Annabel Karmel is a very pretty book, but tough for people like me... I don't have to hide vegetables in muffins. I can throw anything on my kid's high chair tray. But, here's the biggest reason it was tough: I don't have the time, kitchen utensils, or the oven features that some of these recipes demanded.

When we bought this old house we knew that the state-of-the-art Magic Chef oven was missing its broiler feature and the stove top was missing the use of the back two burners. We'll replace it, we thought. A year and a half later and we're still short a broiler and two burners. It's not that big of a deal, except when you're trying to make your kid some kid-specific treats.

The recipes in this book were more complicated than I would have liked and demanded more ingredients than I would consider simple. There were also a lot of calls for skewers, which I don't think I trust William to deal with right now and didn't feel like pulling meat off of, so skipped. And when I flipped through to find the easiest recipes possible, two of them demanded the use of a broiler. (I rolled with it and just turned my oven up really high.) None of that works for a full-time working mom.

The highlight of our recipe book testing were curry chicken tenders that we all loved. (Seriously, they were AWESOME and I will absolutely make them again for all of us.) The low point was the corn and cheese muffin situation. Maybe it was because I made them in a large muffin tin, rather than a small tin... Which leads me to another item I didn't have: Small bite-size muffin tin.

So, when I stock up out kitchen, get a new oven, and somehow find more time, I'm ready to give some more recipes a whirl... However, I'll triple the recipes to make enough for the whole family. I'm not going to that much trouble to feed one little person. And the food all looks like it would satisfy the pickiest of our eaters (me) and the easiest palates in our household (Matt).

This post was inspired by Top 100 Finger Foods by Annabel Karmel, which I received complimentary as a part of Chicago Moms Blog (Silicon Valley Moms Group) Book Club.

Self Confessed Baby Food Making Lover

I made all of William's baby food and I LOVED it. I really did. Most people would assume that this process would annoy me, but I really took joy in making the little guy's fruit and vegetable purees. I often hear from other moms that they would like to make their baby's food, but it kind of sounds like a pain. But, trust me, it's not. Here are my tips on making it work for you.

1. Buy or request a baby food maker, such as my trusty Beaba. The investment will be worth it, trust me. Especially when you recieve it as a gift from your awesome mother-in-law.

2. Choose a few days a week that you will spend on baby food making. If you make a few items a few times a week, you always have plenty of options in the freezer. If I knew that certain days meant making baby food, then I planned for it.

3. Get to know your vegetable and fruit options. The produce section becomes so much more fun when you're searching for a new option for those new little taste buds!

4. Go frozen when you're tight on time. It took me a while to realize that grabbing a bag of frozen produce was often less expensive and more nutritious than the fresh stuff. And, man, the time saved on chopping and clean up practically paid for itself.

5. Invest in some nice, user-friendly ice cube trays. The best way to freeze the food, but they can be tough to pop out. I spent a lot of time slamming trays against the counter while cursing... But, hey, all in the name of homemade organic baby food, right?

6. Be adventurous and mis it up. I recall a ground chicken/blueberry/asparagus concoction that seemed to go over rather well...

7. Consult a book for guidance when you're looking for ideas. I found it to be helpful when I knew he was ready for more, but just needed an idea. (I did not own or use the book pictured above.)

To this day, I have an extraordinarily laid back eater on our hands. I can't say it's simple because of his early homemade baby food, but maybe it is...

This post was inspired by Top 100 Baby Food Purees by Annabel Karmel, which I received free as part of the Chicago Moms Blog (Silicon Valley Moms Group) book club.

Yes, New Mom, Your Friendships Will Still Matter... Even When They Change

Most of my friends don't have kids. This was a scary realization one night in my early mom days when I knew that a group of my friends was out living the good life and I was up all night nursing a fussy guy while living with my parents in the suburbs. (Don't you feel bad for me?) Yes, it could have been worse. But, with all the hormones and new mom anxieties, that was a little rock bottom moment for me... What have I done?

As my mom puts it I've always been "very social." And I am incredibly lucky to have some really good friends. Although I don't get to spend much time with them anymore or make last minute, fly by the seat of my pants plans these days, it doesn't mean that being a mom has forced some of these friendship to go astray.

So, when I talk to new moms or pregnant ladies who will be new moms, I tend to warn them about the transition of friendships. I also wrote a post about it on Chicago Moms Blog.

But, trust me, your friends will surprise you -- Mine have. Just thought I'd share some fun friend shots from the last year.

Not Quite Ready for #2

We're getting lots of questions from friends and strangers alike. Everyone seems to think that #2 should be on the way. We're not quite ready. You can read my post on Chicago Moms Blog for more details.

But, when I look at this, I think "Awwwww, let's give it a try!":


Then I see this photo and think "No way, not ready for that again!":


(Yes, this is a photo of a my feet wrapped in cabbage... A natural way to relieve my insanely swollen feet and ankles. And when you're done... Dinner!)

My Excuse to Watch Reality TV

I was *forced* to watch reality tv last night while Matt joined my dad at the Blackhawks game. It was rough, but I needed inspiration for a new Chicago Moms Blog post and I found it in Tori & Dean.

I've never seen the show before, but made up for lost time last night. I should be ashamed, but... We all have our moments of weakness and a couple glasses of wine.

Check out my recent post on Chicago Moms Blog here.

Anyone Know a Good Bush Doctor?

William has had a fever between 102-103 since Monday. We're only hours away from Friday and I know his fever will persist well into the weekend. The timing is interesting. I just finished reading The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman, which is the latest SV Mom's Book Club pick and a memoir about an otherwise normal mom who makes a nontraditional choice in trying to heal her daughter and family.

Right now I'm feeling tired. I'm feeling frustrated that my little guy is struggling with these fevers. I'm feeling like the two trips to the doctor's office this week have resulted in nothing except for answers of what he doesn't have... Not strep, not the flu. I've narrowed it down to roseola, a virus that doesn't seem to leave us with much we can do to make him feel better.

In The Possibility of Everything we're introduced to a world of natural medicine, bush doctors, shaman, all stuff that I'm not really into. But, right now, sitting in my living room in the middle of the snowy Midwest, I wish I could have a bush doctor lay his hands over my baby's crib, whisper a foreign prayer, and press his hands on his head. I wish I had a salve to rub on his chest and that I could give him a bath in freshly picked herbs and flowers. Instead of waiting it out, I would welcome the opportunity to give natural healing a chance.

I guess being a mom opens you to things you may have not believed in or would have shrugged off. Right? Being a mom has made me realize the phrase, "I would never..." is a load of crap and my worst enemy. When it comes to your child is there anything you wouldn't try? And that's what the author learned, too. The book wouldn't have worked for me if the author was all new agey from the beginning. Because I could see myself in her, because I could see my skepticism and apprehension in her, I could also see the possibilities. Like her, I tend to belong to the "I gotta see it to believe it" school of thought. But in times when there have to be more anwers, more possibilities for healing, I guess I'd climb on board.

No need to worry. I haven't bought any crystals or consulted my astrological calendar or anything. But, I did read an incredible book. And I'm positive that I'm a better mom for it. I'm a new mom. I'm learning each day and trying to grow, so it's stories like these that are shaping the kind of mom I want to be. Our situations may not be the same (croup/obnoxious imaginary friend vs. raging fever), but the overarching themes are the same.

Even better I've found a new author to follow. Not only did the author work her craft at Iowa's nonfiction program (so you know that makes me like her even more), she really is a fantastic, brave writer. The kind I know most wish they could really be. And it's bravery that ultimately made her the kind of mom most strive to be.