My Opposite of Maybe

I just got back from spending five nights in Charleston, SC with my sister and four week-old nephew. I had a great time in an awesome city with some of my favorite people. It went by way too fast as days tend to do with newborns.  It takes time to get out of the house, the days revolve around feedings, and then you look at the clock and it is already 4:00. The greater majority of the last five years of my life have been filled with days like these. And I have loved every second of it (well, maybe not while I was in the moment all the time), but I can honestly say now that those days are behind me.

I’ve said it before, but this week pretty much solidified it… This baby shop is closed for business. Not only does my sister have all of my baby stuff, but I’m just not interested in going back to the newborn phase. Been there, done that, bought the frumpy maternity clothes… And now I know I’m done.

Don’t get me wrong… I loved the snuggling and baby time. I loved his smell and soft skin and his sweet little face while he slept. But, I also loved that I could give him back. I’ve heard it a million times, but now I get it. And it’s the first time I’ve ever felt that way. I’m far enough from that phase that I can look back on it fondly without any sort of longing for just one more. I’m good with what I am so lucky to have. I’ll encourage my friends and family to keep popping them out so I can get a little fix from time to time, but that’s pretty much it. I’m excited for the next phase of my life.

At the same time I’m so excited as my sister starts this new phase of her life. It’s so fun to watch her and she is doing awesome with a baby who is a little more fussy than most. She’s totally keeping it all in perspective – something I was totally incapable of doing with my first newborn.  And I’ll keep cheering her on… from my next phase of life with a cocktail in my hand.

This post was inspired by the novel  The Opposite of Maybe by Maddie Dawson. At the age of 44, Rosie finds herself suddenly single and pregnant. She tries to hide in her grandmother’s home, but meets two men that will change her life forever. Join From Left to Write on April 8 we discuss The Opposite of Maybe. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Emails Help Piece Together Our History

You could piece together some of my history with the emails and cards between my best friend and me... This would most definitely be true for the years she was living in Africa and I was here dating Matt, getting engaged, working a day job, and all that jazz. Our email correspondence was pretty epic. Seriously, it should be a book. It tells the story of our lives - including a lot of our real, honest feelings on what was going down and most of the details that we've each forgotten by now. I'm so thankful to have this trail of my life.

There was a time when getting cards in the mail wasn't such a big deal, but they still seemed worth saving. You know, thrown in a shoe box or a drawer of a bed side table. Something that you can find a few years later to remind you of a specific time in your life.

Now I feel like so much of it is buried in our inboxes, co-mingling with our Daily Deals and LinkedIn requests. I have a hotmail account that I check every few months... Buried in there is my history. If I were to go through it I can't imagine what I would find. I can't bear to ever actually close the account. But it could be lost so easily.

Should I go through and print them? Or visit every now and then? I may never do either, but it's comforting to know that I can if I want to. The string that means the most to me... the one between me and Britt... those are already printed and read. And maybe one day you'll read them too... Until then I'm thankful to have someone I can be honest with - who can talk me down, boost me up, and read my notes with the same voice that's in my head when I write them. Everyone should be so lucky.

This post was inspired by the novel The Divorce Papers by Susan Rieger. Young lawyer Sophie unwillingly takes her first divorce case with an entertaining and volatile client in this novel told mostly through letters and legal missives. Join From Left to Write on March 18 we discuss The Divorce Papers. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Our word for 2014: LIVE

MAN, 2013 was a doozy. It started out pretty well. Lots of snuggling with a new baby. Matt started a new, much more demanding job. I went down to part-time at work. We decided to house hunt in March and then things got off course. We found a house, got into a bidding war, and then slowly entered the nightmare that would be the next six months of dealing with actually getting into the house. We spent weeks preparing our house to put on the market and it sold within days to lovely people. Moved in with my parents for four weeks, which turned into about four months. My sister had a baby. We finally moved. The Gala I work on came quickly after that and I was consumed with work. We raised $3.7 million. We hosted Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, and then my sister's baby shower in the span of two weeks.

I'm sure I'm missing lots of things in there... A started walking. B started eating... sometimes. We decided to keep W in preschool because of his late birthday. We got new tires on our SUV and a new bed for our room. We spent time in Michigan and Wisconsin. B took a bad fall, that resulted in a concussion and stitches. W had a million cavities filled (poor thing has my teeth). B started preschool. We were gifted an awesome swing set and Matt took it apart and put it back together. My grandpa died. I started contributing to Chicago Parent.

What I'm trying to say is it was always something and we kind of just put our heads down and hunched our shoulders waiting for the next thing to fall on us. After March we didn't have any real time to just BE. We made a lot of quick decisions that resulted in major changes. Our family was in a domino effect... Things just started going and we were running from place to place, making decision after decision. Our life completely changed in 2013. Like COMPLETELY. We went through some very stressful times. A lot that I didn't share here... As I posted half of the number of times that I had in previous years.

So, in 2014... We're going to focus on the word: LIVE. We need to be in every moment, focus on the things that will just allow us to live our lives every day in the best way. It might sound silly, I'm sure. But, we're really trying to live our lives in 2014 and get out from the changes that were so consuming in 2013 when we spent a lot of time with our heads down, trying to run from one thing to the next or weighed down by the stress of our day to day lives. And piece by piece we'll bring our home renovations to light for all of you... And then you'll see what we were dealing with!

Do you have a word for 2014?

The Nutcracker at The Marriott Theatre for Young Audiences... Go See It!

Our W has a flair for the dramatic. He loves putting on a show, acting out a scene, and can carry a mean tune. The world is his stage... Though his skits seem to be more of the super hero variety, I jumped at the chance to take him to see The Nutcracker last week at The Marriott Theatre for Young Audiences in Lincolnshire.

I told him all about how I used to see The Nutcracker when I was a little girl not sure whether he'd be into it or not. I gave him the heads up that there wouldn't be a lot of talking, mostly music and dancing. He was excited about it. We invited one of his best pals to join us. I wasn't sure how they would do since the two of them can be chatty and hadn't seen each other in a while. But I figured we could hit the road if they were disruptive.

The show started and the boys were mesmerized. And I mean totally MESMERIZED. And behavior was excellent. Why? Because the show was funny and engaging and the costumes were fun and The Mouse King was fabulous.

George Keating as The Mouse King = I Stole The Show

Doesn't sound like The Nutcracker you remember? Cuz it isn't. It's based on The Nutcracker, but a more kid-friendly, hip take on it with enough smart jokes to keep the parents engaged. For me, this is children's theater at its finest.

So, if you have kids and you're looking to introduce them to The Nutcracker this is your perfect opportunity. Ever since W has been hearing little bits of music from The Nutcracker and relating it back to the show. If I could take him back, I would. Maybe I will. He would happily sit through it again.

Your traditional Nutcracker photo for a very non-traditional Nutcracker.

 And - if you haven't been to the Marriott Theatre - there is not a bad seat in the house. It's an excellent introduction to theatre for the little ones. If I can recommend one holiday adventure this year - this is it. Make time before the show closes on December 28th. Tickets are $15 and the show runs at 10 am most Tuesdays through Sundays. Visit www.MarriottTheatre.com for details.

My biggest regret? No pictures. HOW DID I NOT GET A PICTURE OF THE BOYS NEXT TO THE SIGN?!?! Ugh. Shameful parenting. Just make sure you do and share your photos with me!

Full disclosure: I received four complimentary tickets to The Nutcracker. All opinions are my own. And when I say you should go, I mean it.

Our Wedding Dress: On Sharing a Dress With My BFF

One of the most important dresses a woman might wear is her wedding dress. I LOVED my dress. It was maybe the fifth one I tried on and then I refused to take it off. I knew right away that it was perfect for me. It was everything I didn't know that I wanted. But, at the end of the day it was a dress. I took it off, put it away, and then it sat in my mom's closet for months before being cleaned and stored. And there it sat in my basement.

Then when my BFF Brittany was engaged a few years later I started the process of helping her find a dress. We went to a store. She bought a dress. It wasn't special. So, we ordered some others and tried them on at my house. Still nothing special. So, then I offered to let her try on my dress. I pulled it out of its safe protection in storage and she put it on. And it was perfect. "Wear it," I told her. So, she did.

Some people were surprised when we shared the news that she was wearing my dress. Budget wasn't the reason. Ability to find a dress had nothing to do with it. I was shocked when someone told me they thought it was weird. I never even thought twice about it. It's hard to put my finger on, but it just felt right. I think it made both of us incredibly happy to know that it was something we would always share. There was meaning in sharing my dress. My gift to her was her something borrowed. And the gift we continue to give each other every day is one of the most honest, long-lasting, wonderful, understanding, exciting friendships in the world. We're lucky to have each other. It's that simple.

I think it's beautiful - just like the dress.



No one has ever entrusted impoverished Emmalee with anything important but she takes it upon herself to sew her mentor’s resting garment in The Funeral Dress by Susan Gregg Gilmore. Join From Left to Write on October 19 as we discuss The Funeral Dress.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

How to Support Friends Through Infertility

If you think you don't have friends struggling with fertility, you just don't know the truth... because, trust me, you do. I've had a number of friends face fertility challenges, including a couple of my most favorite people. It sucks, no matter what the issue may be. Some just took longer than they thought to get pregnant, a couple were lucky after taking some drugs to kick start their efforts, and then there are a few who have gone down the road of IVF and more. Some have been successful, others have not. And as my friends struggled I had three healthy pregnancies, one even that was a huge surprise.

I feel the void that they feel as our family has rapidly grown with very little effort. It's incredibly unfair. It makes me sick that it's just luck. Dumb luck. And I'd by lying if I didn't think "why couldn't it be them?" when I found out I was pregnant with A. Seriously.

I've cried when reading text messages about miscarriage and unsuccessful attempts from a friend I know couldn't bear to have to speak the news to me. It's heart breaking. All of it.

People, you never know who might be dealing with fertility issues. So, do me a favor and keep your mouth shut. Don't ask people when they're going to have children (I'm looking at you, nosy old ladies) or go overboard in telling them how amazing it is to have children (trust me, they know).

So, while those are some pretty obvious things that you should not do. Here is a list of ways you can be supportive of friends dealing with infertility:

1. Don't Make Assumptions: It's really easy to make assumptions about what friends who are struggling with fertility issues will and will not want to do with your family. Don't jump to conclusions. An invitation to your child's first birthday party may feel like the worst thing you can subject them to, but extend the invitation with the understanding that you get it if they choose to pass.

2. It's Not About You. Your friends pass on your child's birthday party invitation? Don't want to come to your house for trick-or-treating? Seem a little distant? Get over it. It's not about you.

3. Don't Ask. Don't text every month to check in around ovulation time. Don't ask for an update every time you see her. If they want to discuss it, trust me, it will come up. Ask "how is everything," which is a good way to allow them to talk about the awesome soup they made for dinner last night or pull out a box of tissues and sit down for a heart to heart. You open the door, it's their choice to walk in or close it.

4. Do Tell. You're pregnant? Give them a call and let them know. Find a way to discuss with them before you invite them to the dinner with your 20 closest friends to make a grand announcement. Or just don't do that. I bet your friendship is more important in the long run. And do tell them about things going on with your kids. They're interested in your life and your kids, because they're your friend. Not talking about your own kids is like an elephant walking into the room. Just be thoughtful in how you approach it.

5. Be Positive. Don't ask what they're going to do if they don't end up delivering a child. As long as they are on this road, you're on it too. Let them determine the alternative routes. They already are a family, the same as you... Just minus the minis... for now. They don't need your opinion on their next steps. Unless they ask for it.

I'm no expert. I have no certification. But, I think I'm a pretty good friend and one of my strengths lies in my ability to read people and what they need. So, take my advice or leave it. And, better yet, comment with your own advice.

And, to my friends who have struggled and continue to struggle with fertility, I've never wanted anything as much as I've wanted you to be successful, because I know it's important to you. I hope I'm not a huge idiot in giving advice to others. I hope I've been a good friend to you. And I'm so honored you've held me in confidence and friendship on your journeys.

This post was inspired by The Blossom Method’s You Never Know campaign. My participation is voluntary and I have not received any financial compensation. All thoughts and opinions are my own. The Blossom Method is a therapy practice offering support, community, comfort and hope to women and couples experiencing issues related to infertility, pregnancy loss, genetic complications, pelvic disorders, NICU preemies and postpartum depression. 

Phone: 312.854.0061, email: info@blossommethod.com, website: www.blossommethod.com

A Working Mom's Worst Nightmare: When Your Beloved Nanny Quits

Three kids seems to be the magic number that makes people get all serious and ask: "What are you going to do?" They seem to look at our life (two parents working full-time and three kids under four) and figure it isn't sustainable or sane.

Up until last week I would look right back at everyone and say, "We'll be fine!"

Then our nanny quit. And now I just don't know.

I haven't written a ton about Nanny K on here. She is amazing and perfect and in the almost year she has been with us I completely fell in love with her and the relationship she developed with my kids. She never once turned on the tv, enforced boundaries, taught W to put on his own shoes, took the boys to museums and the zoo, keeps her cell phone in her purse, makes sure the kids have hats on, packs lunches and finds free parking even when I give her cash... She is everything I never knew I wanted in a nanny. And now she's leaving us. I'm happy for her, because she has a job that she worked really hard to secure, but I'm devastated for us.

When she told us I started crying. My hormones are totally out of control thanks to pregnancy and I hadn't even prepared myself for the possibility that we could lose her before 2013. But, here we are... Starting a search to replace an irreplaceable nanny in just over a week. After she told us last week I sat on the train all teary-eyed and pregnant and starting reaching out to my network. I started to feel confident that I would quickly find someone just as wonderful. Yes, my well-meaning Twitter pals and their positive vibes really made me believe everything would be fine, but my enthusiasm is melting.

I've set up a number of interviews and already met one candidate (big NO) and had another cancel on me. It was when I made my list of interview questions that I realized we are going to have to find someone really, really, extraordinary. This was the question that freaked me out: You'll have to take our oldest to preschool every morning. How will you manage this with a 4 year old, 20 month old, and an infant?

Who is going to be able to do this and - beyond that - who can give me an answer that will convince me that they can handle this? Because I'm having trouble figuring out how it's going to work.

This is the absolute worst part of being a working mom. I know we'll work it out deep down inside. But, in the mean time, I'm kinda freaking out.

Happy 4th of July!

This year 4th of July was kind of a weird holiday. To begin with, it fell on a Wednesday, which was just wrong. We went to Wisconsin to spend time with Matt's family from Saturday until Wednesday, but came home on the 4th since both of us have to work on Thursday and Friday. Traveling coupled with our kitchen being torn apart (yes, we are finally redoing our kitchen!) and this crazy heat wave just made the 4th feel weird and not so festive. In fact, I was pretty much ready to scrap the whole thing and just call it a regular Wednesday.

But we decided to do something low key instead. My sister, bro-in-law, and adorable nephew met us at my parents' house who weren't home (the mature version of the kegger). We had dinner and then most of the party walked down the street to the local fireworks display. I willingly stayed back as B was sleeping and a little quiet time out of the heat sounded really good to me.

I know sometimes we run around like crazy, pile too much on our plates, and need to learn to relax more often. This just wasn't the day. After all, often when things don't sound great to mom and dad it means they're going to be really great for the kids and is worth the rally:

"I loved the red one because it made the whole sky turn red!"

W's first glow stick, which he insisted on bringing to bed.

Good Deeds 2012: Week 26 Donate Life America

Good Deed: Registered as an organ, eye, and tissue donor through Donate Life America.

It took me about one minute. All I had to do was enter my driver's license number and address and now I am one of the six million adults in Illinois registered to possibly save lives. I've always been a donor on my driver's license and told everyone my wishes, but I figured this was the final step in making it official.

My uncle who was killed in an accident last year was a donor and knowing that his death made a difference to so many lives was the one comfort I could take from knowing he was killed.

Consider this: According to Donate Life America, there are more than 114,000 people nationwide waiting for lifesaving transplants, including more than 5,000 men, women, and children in Illinois. Isn't that reason enough to register?

What was your good deed this week?

Dodging My Own Marriage Mistake

For the From Left to Write Book Club we read Getting Married and Other Mistakes by Barbara Slate, a graphic novel about a woman whose mother grooms her from an early age to get married. She does and soon realizes it was a mistake when her husband cheats on her and she finds herself single again. This post is inspired by the book.

For me, getting married COULD have been a mistake. I dated a guy for about six years who was perfect on paper. Tall, handsome, smart, successful career... But, no matter how hard he tried, I could never see a future. I knew his plan was to marry me and he was starting to consider rings. Anytime he mentioned going shopping for some bling, I changed the subject. We were young, but I knew that time was running out.

It got to the point where I had a plan for what I would do in case he proposed. I decided I would accept his proposal to save him embarrassment and then return the ring soon after. The fact that I was even creating this exit strategy was terrible and made me feel like a total jerk, but I was terrified that it could actually happen and knew I had to make sure it didn't. The time had come for us to go our own ways.

I had seen enough terrible marriages to know that one between us would be a mess and could never make me happy. I knew that I would never marry him because I was able to see a relationship between one of my aunts and uncles and knew that would be my life. I could see my future in their relationship and I didn't want it. My parents really did love him, but encouraged me to go with my instincts and follow my gut. It would have been easy for them to tell me to stick it out. If their goal was to marry me off, they had the perfect opportunity. But, luckily they weren't those kind of parents.

And I met Matt two years later and found the right person, the artist who showed me that marriage would be the beginning of a fun adventure with its own bumps and rough patches, but an amazing one that I know I entered for the right reasons. Maybe one day we'll collaborate on a graphic novel to accompany this one called "My Wife Is A Control Freak and Other Lovable Qualities."

This post is inspired by Getting Married and Other Mistakes by Barbara Slate. This graphic novel offers a raw, yet humorous look at what happens to Jo after a surprise divorce. Join From Left to Write on Thursday, June 28 as we discuss Getting Married and Other Mistakes by Barbara Slate. I received a review copy of the and all opinions are my own.

Good Deeds 2012: Week 23 Operation Pink Sky

Good Deed: Donated to friend's Give Forward campaign as she jumps out of a plane to raise money for the National Breast Cancer Foundation. 

My pal MJ Tam is going to jump out of a plane this week. Not only is that pretty cool, but she's going to raise money for breast cancer research while he does it.

 Help support her! I don't think I have to explain the many, many compelling reasons to support breast cancer.

Words of Wisdom To Get Through The First Few Weeks With An Infant

The first couple weeks at home with a new baby are wonderful and shocking and emotional and a little scary and amazing... And there is no way you can prepare yourself for it. My BFF just had her first baby and I thought of a few things for her (and other new moms) to keep in mind in the first couple of weeks:

Hit the TV for some reality shows in the wee hours.
I made the mistake of holing up with W in his nursery during his nightly feedings, where it was too quiet and the hours seemed to drag on. It was just really isolating. I know it's recommended to stay in a quiet, dark place for the baby - But, seriously, I was a much happier mom the second time around when I filled the DVR up with reality TV and spent my overnight feedings catching up.

I used to turn my nose up at all of these shows, now I credit them with helping me avoid baby blues. You need something fluffy, fast paced, with a good dose of drama, and awesome sounds bites.

Here are my recommended shows: 

• Real Housewives: Any city, any season. These ladies never disappoint. Never.
• Tori & Dean: You somehow find yourself feeling "wow, stars are really just like us" and then are quickly reminded that "oh, no, they aren't.
• NY Ink: I'd never seen a reality tattoo shop show, but I especially enjoyed the drama from Chris Torres and comic relief from Robear. And, seriously, Ami is kind of adorable. And these people are serious artists.
• Tabatha Takes Over: Love her. Not great when you're totally exhausted, because it has slow moments. 
• Bethenny: Entertaining, but not my favorite choice.
• Shahs of Sunset: This show has major late night potential. 

Shows that may seem innocent enough, but should be avoided:

• Intervention: STAY AWAY! Suddenly every drug addict becomes someone's baby and you realize how precious and innocent everyone starts out in life and you start to get really depressed. DO NOT WATCH!
• Hoarders: Also a show that makes you wonder how people can go from the sweet baby in your arms to someone so incredibly broken. Stay away from the sad!
• A Baby Story: Might seem like a good idea, but it just isn't. Trust me.

Stay hydrated.
Your schedule is all over the place. You're often stuck sitting, whether nursing or holding a sleeping baby. You're uncomfortable from the whole birthing thing and the thought of standing and walking is a little too much. Many, many reasons you're not going to refill your water glass. Remember: staying hydrated makes a huge difference with breastfeeding.

Expect to cry.
Get used to crying. Randomly. It's normal, but it's shocking. The crying sneaks up on you just about anywhere. It starts innocently... when you're holding your baby and imagine some kid making fun of them on the playground... And then it starts creeping up just about anytime, like in mid-conversation at dinner. But, we've all been there and it's ok. And then one day it stops.

I often found myself in full tears, ugly crying, and repeating "I don't know why I'm crying. I just don't know why I'm crying." You're crying because you're postpartum. Accept it.

It goes fast.
Sometimes when a baby is crying or won't sleep... or doing some other stressful infant thing it's really easy to get caught up in the moment. Focus on the big picture and remember these moments pass and the weeks fly by in the blink of an eye.

It feels consuming sometimes, like you can't see the forest for the trees. But, focus on the moments and know it goes by fast. This is the only time you'll have with your child when you are totally devoted to holding them, cuddling them, and just being their mom. Savor those moments, even when you're exhausted, because they go so fast.

Having an infant isn't easy, but it's something you'll quickly look back on and recall as being some of the sweetest, most loving moments in your life as a mom.

Any other words of wisdom to add?

Good Deeds 2012 Week 10: Operation Precious CARgo

Good Deed: Donated baby items to an expectant military mom through Operation Precious CARgo.

Chevrolet and Driving the Midwest has partnered with Operation Homefront to create Operation Precious CARgo, allowing a dozen bloggers to rally their communities and collect donations for an expectant military mom. Melisa from Suburban Scrawl is organizing a team and I'm thrilled to help out, so put together a bag full of things on the wish list.

Interested in helping? Check out her post to see the wish list and how your can get her the items.

Hats off to Chevy for putting this program together and to Operation Homefront and their mission to provide emergency financial and other assistance to the families of our service members and wounded warriors.

What was your good deed this week?



Note: I am in no way affiliated with Operation Homefront, nor was I compensated for this post. All information was found on their website: www.operationhomefront.net

When School Counselors and Teachers Dash Dreams? Prove Them Wrong.

The other day my pal Kim met her son's high school counselor, which reminded her of the wonderful relationship she had with her own high school counselor. She asked if anyone on the Motherboard wanted to blog about their counselor or a teacher who was an influence... I thought about it for a moment and thought about is some more.... And then I realized I had very few memories of my high school counselor, except for one thing: She told one of my close friends that she should give up on her hopes for college and do something else.

Now, let's get something straight, I agree that the university setting is not for everyone. There are people who struggle in college and should probably be learning a trade or following a passion elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with choosing another path. But, when you want to get a degree for all of the right reasons and are willing to work hard to get there, that advice isn't exactly encouraging.

My friend is not a good test taker. Her ACT scores and grades reflected that, but she was determined to get a college education. She spent a year at community college and focused hard on getting good grades that would enable her to transfer to a university. After a year she was accepted at a university and graduated with her BA in four years, in the area of study she had wanted to focus on since high school. She was the first of my group of friends to land a job out of college and continues to be very successful. She's survived rounds of acquisitions, restructuring, lay offs, and has literally been the last woman standing. She's amazing and she's a hard worker. And she was determined to prove that counselor wrong. I'm so damn proud of her.

When Matt was in third grade he couldn't memorize the months in order. Matt had just been diagnosed with dyslexia. It wasn't that he didn't try, he tried harder than anyone else in his class, but couldn't do it. His teacher told him that he wouldn't get out of the third grade if he didn't learn the months in order. She was mean. Mean enough for Matt to still talk about it today. And he didn't memorize the months in order until high school. Imagine that... He still went to a Big Ten university for his BA and has a graduate degree from film school.

I think of what I would do if a teacher or counselor squashed my kids' dreams... When do you realize that the teacher or counselor might be correct in recommending your child consider other options - even if that means their heart will be broken? And when do you realize when they're just being mean? I think you tell them that if they want something bad enough, they have to put their head down, work hard, and prove them wrong. I know two people who did.

Good Deeds 2012: The Glass Slipper Project

Good Deed: Donated dresses and accessories to The Glass Slipper Project.

This bridesmaid dress from my sister's wedding was beautiful, but hopefully will not fit me again.

I have been honored to stand up in weddings for my sisters and some of my closest friends. These weddings have been some of my favorite memories. I've had lots of fun fun, a great excuse to get my hair and makeup done, and wore some beautiful dresses.The thing is... most bridesmaid dresses are not necessarily re-wearable (though I have a few that actually are). So, what to do with these pretty dresses?

Donate them, of course! The Glass Slipper Project takes donated dresses and makes prom dreams come true for thousands of Chicagoland high school Juniors and Seniors who are unable to purchase their own prom attire. Doesn't that just make perfect sense?

I've donated a number dresses to this organization in the last five years. This week I dropped off a dress, a few pieces of jewelry, and a purse and left feeling hopeful that a girl would treasure them and feel like a lady. This dress in particular was from my sister's wedding over Labor Day weekend. It's a stunning dress, but I was a few months postpartum and it's not something I hope to fit into again... Plus, I don't have any plans in the near future to attend a black tie event. So, rather than holding onto it, I donated it.

According to their website, The Glass Slipper Project has helped more than 16,000 girls attend their proms. It is a 100% volunteer-driven organization that accepts donations of dresses, shoes, jewelry, makeup, and purses. Boutiques are available the last three weekends of April and volunteers help girls choose their prom attire. (A friend of mine actually volunteered last year and had great things to say about the experience.)

Donating is easy! You can ship the items or use one of their drop-off locations. If you live in the North Shore area, Zengler Cleaners accepts items and dry cleans the dresses for the organization. (Check drop-off location and mailing information here.)

What was your good deed this week? Link it up here or leave a comment!



Note: I am in no way affiliated with The Glass Slipper Project,nor was I compensated for this post. All information was found on their website: www.glassslipperproject.org.

Two Working Parents and Three Childcare Providers

These are not my kids, but might as well be.

 Our house is a circus these days. I know, you're thinking, "As if it's not always a circus." But, seriously, things are getting a little out of hand. We currently have three different childcare providers for the boys. THREE. (And NO I am not Camille from RHOBH, though I would take her divorce settlement and seemingly endless amounts of free time, but I digress...)

I hired Nanny K (who I am pretty much obsessed with) before the end of my maternity leave with B. As you might remember, my mom watched W five days a week prior to B being born, which was amazing and kind and one of the best gifts she could have given us. We agreed that when B was born, I would seek a part-time nanny so that my mom could still spend a few days with the boys and have some much-needed time for herself. And Nanny K was like our Mary Poppins.

Once we were settled with Nanny K (again, I LOVE her) my sister had her baby and as she was getting set to go back to work, she learned that her three days back would be on the days my mom watched my boys. Clearly, my mom could not watch all three boys, so I decided I would remove our family from the equation and find nanny care for them on those days. Not willing to give up Nanny K and not able to hire her on full-time (she works with another family, too), I had to hire another nanny. Enter Nanny O (who has been with us for three weeks). So, now I have my mom for one day a week, Nanny K for two days each week, and Nanny O for two days each week (plus my mom who is sticking close to my house on those days to get her settled). Confused yet? Me too...

Now the logical thing would be for me to find a new full-time nanny and do away with the two part-time nannies, right? Wrong. You see, Nanny K is done with school in May and the other mom she works with works at a school, so most likely will not need her services over the summer and beyond (as Nanny K will be looking for a new job and could stop nannying at any time). So, I am holding out for getting Nanny K either four days a week or full time starting in May. (Seriously, she is so worth the wait and gamble.)

I've gone back and forth over what our best solution would be... And I decided that right now this is what is best for us. I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal, that we could roll with the punches and the kids would be fine. And they are. But, things are just getting crazy. Every day W asks who is coming over. He's hot and cold about me going to work. He's hot and cold about who is coming to play with him. He misses his one-on-one time my mom. He will only nap for Nanny K and it's become a game for him. It's just a lot of change and the revolving door means that I'm scrambling to keep everything organized and keep the days straight.

But, I have learned that my kids are really good with new people and take to them rather quickly. I've learned that they don't have attachment issues, but just enough to show that they love me. I've learned that nannies are expensive, so we're suddenly bleeding money in addition to feeling all over the place. And I've learned that this is not an ideal situation, but I'm determined to make it work. I'm not sure what will make it better, but this revolving door needs some greasing.

Plucked From The Healthy World Together

For the From Left to Write Book Club we read "The Art of Hearing Heartbeats" by Jan-Philipp Sendker. The book inspired this post.

"There was the world of the sick and dying and the world of the hale. The healthy and hale did not want to know anything about the sick and the dying. As if they had nothing to do with one another. As if one false step on thin ice, one forgotten candle, were not enough to pluck you from the one world and land you in the other."

-Excerpt from "The Art of Hearing Heartbeats' by Jan-Philipp Sendker

Eleven years ago my grandmother died of cancer. It was rather aggressive and fast. She was in her early 70's and we all felt robbed and heartbroken to witness what we knew were her final days. I'm the oldest of sixteen cousins, so always felt lucky that I had the most time with her and would most likely have the best memories, but it still felt terrible to lose her.

As the cancer was taking over and it was clear her days were numbered, my grandfather had a massive stroke. The kind of stroke you aren't supposed to survive. They were in bed sleeping and my grandmother was in too much pain, too weak to quickly get to the phone. It must have been an incredible struggle for her to call for help. That was the last day that Grandma was really lucid and she was admitted to the hospital for hospice care immediately.

Grandma & Grandpa on their wedding day.

Grandpa was in bad shape in the ICU of another hospital. As we upped Grandma's morphine to keep her comfortable, we willed Grandpa to hang in there. Family went from one hospital to the other. Grandma's time was limited, but Grandpa needed to say good bye. Our family and the hospitals managed to allow them a final moment together. Grandpa was transported on a stretcher by ambulance to her hospital. They wheeled him in as she lay unconscious in her bed. He couldn't speak well and his left side was paralyzed. But, we all believe that they were able to say good bye.

She died soon after and my Grandpa was transported to the funeral via ambulance a few days later, able to sit up in a wheelchair. It was heartbreaking. It was tragic. People wandered around the funeral, looking at us with pity. My grandparents were healthy. They were high school sweethearts. It was not their time.

Luckily they created a family that survives through humor, so we found a way to laugh about it. The absurdity of it all. We created humor where most would have found none and ways to make sense of it instead of just crying our eyes out. It was decided that Grandpa never could have survived life without Grandma if he was capable and healthy. They had to cross from the healthy world together.

Today my Grandpa is still alive, trapped in a body terribly damaged by his stroke and in need of round-the-clock nursing care. He married a lovely woman he met in the nursing home, who is a considerate and watchful companion and lost her husband around the same time Grandma died. He found another person to love for the rest of the time he's with us, but he has a plot waiting for him right next to Grandma.


When Julia travels to Burma to search for her missing lawyer father, she discovers much more than she expected. Join From Left to Write on February 1 as we discuss The Art of Hearing Heartbeats by Jan-Philipp Sendker. As a member of From Left to Write, I received a copy of the book. All opinions are my own.

On Not Telling My Sister How To Be A Mom

My sister had a baby boy a few months ago. I've been thinking and thinking about how to post about this. Over thinking it, clearly. But, it's hard to explain the experience of seeing your sister have a baby for the first time.

I'm used to being the one with the babies. Waiting while she was in labor was agonizing. We spent a long day at the hospital and at one point my other sister looked at me and said, "This is your first time doing this, isn't it?!?!" Everyone else had played the waiting room game twice while I was the one on the other side of the doors. It was strange to be the one waiting to meet our new little family member.

Up until now I've been the mom and my sisters have been the aunts. And they're truly amazing aunts. They love my kids like no other. I have often wondered how they love them so much. I'm serious. I see how generous they are with their time and gifts and hugs and affection and wonder how you do that for a kid when they're not yours.

But, now I get it. I see how amazing it is to see your sibling become a parent and have an adorable little guy in your life who isn't yours, but feels pretty close to it. And now I know how hard it is not to tell my sister how to be a parent. I'm the older sister. I've always told her what to do, that's just how it goes.

When she calls to ask about sleeping or feeding or going back to work or anything like that I tend to start telling her what she should do. But, that's not my job. My job is to talk it over, listen, give her ideas, and let her know that being a mom is often difficult, nothing works for everyone, and it gets easier.

This weekend we were talking about Baby C's erratic sleep schedule. Some of my ideas don't work with how she wants to parent, but I didn't stop trying to convince her that she should do it my way. I hung up and Matt told me this: "You cannot tell her what to do. She's not your little sister anymore, she's a mom and you have to let her do it her way. She'll figure it out." And he was right. This is the first time I get to sit back and watch her make her own decisions and know that it will all work in the end. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy being an aunt and watching her figure it all out.

Dreamers Cling to Hope, Just Ask My Friend Nicki

This is Nicki and me learning all about being kick ass bloggers. Clearly she was paying better attention.

There are many, many reasons to blog. And we all blog for different reasons. I blog for a whole slew of reasons, however connecting with other bloggers was never one of those reasons. It never even crossed my mind. But, then I did connect with other bloggers (and actually have made some wonderful friends). And they continue to remind me of how powerful the online blogging community can really be and how lucky I am to have met some of these creative, smart, and inspiring people.

I met my friend, Nicki (she's a dreamer, who also blogs here), at the Yahoo! Motherboard Summit in July 2010 and I am positive she will be a friend of mine forever. We were both SV Mom bloggers before it went defunct and are From Left to Write Book Club members, so you can say we run in the same blogging circle (if you're a nerd, like me). More important, we just clicked and made each other laugh really hard (and are both super smart and painfully pretty), so of course we had to be friends, right?

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, e-mail chats, social media tools, and our respective blogs, we've stayed up-to-date on each other's lives. I'm thankful for that, because it means that Nicki didn't have to pick up the phone to let me know that her baby girl Kenna was born earlier this week via emergency c-section at a teeny, tiny 9 ounces and 9 inches. I keep looking down at my hands, trying to even imagine holding a baby that small. Try it, it's crazy.

Kenna has totally defied the odds, showing she has her mama's spunk and resilience. I believe in Nicki. I believe she and her little girl will come through this, but my heart aches for her. Nicki blogs because she has to write. It's her outlet. She's blogged honestly about the ups and downs of her life. And she has blogged every day through this difficult week. When life gets tough, I fall off the map. (Notice the complete drop in blog posts after B was born.) I hide. Instead, Nicki has replied to texts, e-mails, Facebook messages, everything... And I do not know how she has does it.

Nicki draws strength from her readers and her community. She is putting herself out there, radiating positivity, sharing her struggles, and keeping her readers and friends informed each day. She is a really talented and truthful writer. And she knows that this is what blogging is all about... Putting your story out there, sharing your life, and finding that there are people out there who can understand you.

I have seen the way the blogging community has rallied around my friend, in ways she may not even know yet and I'm proud to be a part of it. In the same way we were making peanut butter pies in August, we're sending our most positive energy, thoughts, prayers (whatever it might be) to Nicki who proves that blogging is about so much more than just being a mom blogger. So, do me a favor... Send her some of your energy. She needs it.

When A Mom Blogger Has Nothing

I'm sitting in a hotel room. By myself. That never happens. Ever.
We're in Omaha for a wedding, which we are both honored to be a part of, for our good friends Angie and Jamie. We came in a day early to spend the night with family that we don't get to see enough. It's the first time we've gotten on a plane together and flown away from our kids. I wasn't anxious or worried or anything like that. It was just weird. As we pulled away from the house I kept feeling like I was forgetting something. I realized it was B, who is attached to me any time I'm not at work. (Note: Since arriving in cold Omaha, I also realized it was the wrap to wear with my bridesmaid dress...)

It's weird being alone. I'm sitting in my hotel room while Matt is off picking up his tuxedo. It's that time between nails and rehearsal. I caught up on some WORK work and then thought... How about a nap? Except they're banging on something above our room. Well, I figured, I have about 500 posts that are sitting in my head, why not write one? And then I opened my blog. I stared at the screen. And nothing.

Such is the life of a mom blogger. When your hands are full, the inspiration for posts clutters up the little space left in your brain. But, the second you have silence... Nothing.