So, for the past three nights W has woken up screaming inconsolably while pointing to our bedroom. The first night at 2 am, the second at midnight, and then last night... 10 pm. Not normal behavior for our Ferberized baby who has been an awesome sleeper. At first I thought he was cold, but we have a new theory now... Could it be that he misses me?
I know, I know, this is totally egocentric. But, seriously, I only saw the kid for about an hour total yesterday. I don't mean to give him too much credit, but is he starting to figure out that spending time with me while sleeping may be the only real time he gets with me during the work week? It's depressing, right? But, I think I'm right.
I chose to go to yoga last night, therefore forfeiting time I could have spent with the little guy. I felt a stab of guilt as Matt held him and I ran out the door. He watched and those big brown eyes fell as he pointed at me. No tantrums, no freak-out, yet the disappointment was written all over his little face. But, I stand behind my decision. I need that time. I really do. It makes me a better mom, person, employee, wife, and friend. Most importantly, I don't like living in my head quite as unbalanced as it gets if I don't give myself this class. Plus, it's only once a week that I really set aside time for myself. I don't have to justify it.
While I wrestle with the guilt in seeing that little face watch me dash out, I also see that it will benefit him more if I'm a better person. If that means I don't sleep well for a couple of nights while he is nestled in my neck, I'm ok with it. It's a small price to pay.
9.30.2009
9.29.2009
"Super Mom's" Normal Tuesday Morning
The person behind the idea of "Super Mom" is an ass. This is the normal morning of a full time working super mom: (Ok, so maybe it's been my morning)
12:00 am - William wakes up. I think he might be cold and decide he can share our bed. He spends the next five hours flopping around the bed, searching for his pacifier, and sleeping in insane positions. I spend that time watching him.
5:30 am - Wake up with kink in my neck from sleeping around child.
5:45 am - Notice I somehow sprouted a fantastic looking blemish between my brows over night. Awesome.
6:30 am - I go to put on my pants. (The nice pair for the meeting for which I should really be wearing a suit.) HUGE hole in the back pocket area. Freak out ensues. Not sure who to blame... Dry cleaner, Banana Republic, the junk in my trunk?
6:50 am - Put on back-up pants that are a little too short and a little too faded to be acceptable.
7:00 am - Put on intended jacket and find that the security tag from Nordstrom is still strongly attached. Luckily, back-up jacket works just fine.
7:15 am - Leave the house 15 minutes late without breakfast or lunches, because we have no groceries.
7:20 am - Realize cell phone is still charging AT HOME.
For the record, this is not intended to be a "poor me post." Instead, I wanted to document what a real morning is like when you're barely keeping your head above water.
To all the moms out there who put too much pressure on themselves to live up to the "Super Mom" ideal: DON'T. IT'S NOT WORTH IT!
It's hypocritical for me to say this, because I fall into this trap every minute of every day. But, I figure the more of us who are honest about what we're really going through, the easier it is to laugh at ourselves (after crying alone in the bathroom). Right?
12:00 am - William wakes up. I think he might be cold and decide he can share our bed. He spends the next five hours flopping around the bed, searching for his pacifier, and sleeping in insane positions. I spend that time watching him.
5:30 am - Wake up with kink in my neck from sleeping around child.
5:45 am - Notice I somehow sprouted a fantastic looking blemish between my brows over night. Awesome.
6:30 am - I go to put on my pants. (The nice pair for the meeting for which I should really be wearing a suit.) HUGE hole in the back pocket area. Freak out ensues. Not sure who to blame... Dry cleaner, Banana Republic, the junk in my trunk?
6:50 am - Put on back-up pants that are a little too short and a little too faded to be acceptable.
7:00 am - Put on intended jacket and find that the security tag from Nordstrom is still strongly attached. Luckily, back-up jacket works just fine.
7:15 am - Leave the house 15 minutes late without breakfast or lunches, because we have no groceries.
7:20 am - Realize cell phone is still charging AT HOME.
For the record, this is not intended to be a "poor me post." Instead, I wanted to document what a real morning is like when you're barely keeping your head above water.
To all the moms out there who put too much pressure on themselves to live up to the "Super Mom" ideal: DON'T. IT'S NOT WORTH IT!
It's hypocritical for me to say this, because I fall into this trap every minute of every day. But, I figure the more of us who are honest about what we're really going through, the easier it is to laugh at ourselves (after crying alone in the bathroom). Right?
9.28.2009
Time
Dear Time,
Where have you gone? We never seem to find enough of you and it's exhausting the way we chase after you... only to constantly face disappointment. You're such a tease.
Come on. We're really, really tired. And have a dirty house. And piles of laundry. And a treadmill collecting dust. And sweaters to pull out of storage. And a doggie that needs a grooming. And we're out of his flea medication. And he needs to go to the vet. And the stack of mail is a joke. And there are thank you notes to be written. And a printer that needs fixing. And a garage to organize. And mums should be planted. And we need to figure out what W will be for Halloween. And flu shots to get. And dentist appointments to stop rescheduling. And our car needs a bath. And some new oil. And we should really do something about the bathroom tile. And pay those bills. And unload the dishwasher. And visit my grandparents. And figure out what's for dinner. And we might be out of milk or diapers or wipes or all of the above.
We could get this all done, but we just can't seem to find you.
Sincerely,
The Hannemaniacs
Where have you gone? We never seem to find enough of you and it's exhausting the way we chase after you... only to constantly face disappointment. You're such a tease.
Come on. We're really, really tired. And have a dirty house. And piles of laundry. And a treadmill collecting dust. And sweaters to pull out of storage. And a doggie that needs a grooming. And we're out of his flea medication. And he needs to go to the vet. And the stack of mail is a joke. And there are thank you notes to be written. And a printer that needs fixing. And a garage to organize. And mums should be planted. And we need to figure out what W will be for Halloween. And flu shots to get. And dentist appointments to stop rescheduling. And our car needs a bath. And some new oil. And we should really do something about the bathroom tile. And pay those bills. And unload the dishwasher. And visit my grandparents. And figure out what's for dinner. And we might be out of milk or diapers or wipes or all of the above.
We could get this all done, but we just can't seem to find you.
Sincerely,
The Hannemaniacs
