Creating Our New Home

We bought a new house, but we’re not living in it just yet… Why?

Because of rooms like this…

Nothing says move in ready like coral colored border.

 

And this….

Our foundation needed a little bit of help.

 

Oh, and this is the pile of carpet and draperies we pulled out of the house…

1964 called. It wants its drapes and carpet back.

And we continue to learn new things that keep us from moving in. They’re piling up and so is the cost. My contractor is probably tired of hearing me ask: “How much is that going to cost?!?!” And my parents are kind enough to let us stay with them and pretend it’s no big deal. 

It’s stressful in a way I can’t explain. These aren’t just little issues that keep popping up. We’re dealing with major problems, but luckily everything is fixable. My kids miss their house. W asks every day about his toys and when we’ll get to go home. We’ve avoided play dates with our neighbors because it would just be too hard for W. I drove by the old house the other day to pick some mail up from a neighbor, thinking I was safe with just B and A. And as I turned the corner, passing our old driveway B started yelling “Home. My house! Home!” Our home - the only house our kids have ever known - is no longer ours. The heated floor that made our winter days so cozy, the mural Matt labored over for weeks, the new kitchen that I finally finished all belong to another family now. And we have a house that we don't even live in.

But, here’s the thing, we bought this house because of what it will be, not because of what it is today. We bought this house because I fell in love with it. I could see the house in five, ten years - not in 2013. And that’s why we bought our old house, the house we cried about leaving. I saw the same things in that house, the same potential that I see in this one.

I want my kids to remember this house fondly. I want it to be filled with laughter and fun and warmth (even without a heated floor). We bought it because it was a house that allowed us to put our mark on it. We will have to touch every inch of this house, whether with paint, refinished floors, new windows, appliances, tile… The list is endless. But, this allows us to create our own family home, not step into the choices of someone else.

I hope it all works out the way I envision it. I hope it is everything I feel like my family needs. And, most of all, I hope my kids always feel like this house is their home. I hope they'll come back and visit from whatever part of the country or world they're living and always feel that fullness inside of them.

This post was inspired by the novel This Is Paradise by Kristiana Kahakauwila, a collection of short stories that shares a view of Hawaiians few tourists ever experience - one of Hawaii as home. Join From Left to Write on August 8 as we discuss This Is Paradise.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Blaming Ourselves When Bad Things Happen

B recently had a terrible fall. It was the single most frightening moment of my life. I saw the entire thing. I was RIGHT THERE. It was the kind of fall that could have been much worse than the six stitches and diagnosis of a "mild head injury."

I saw it happen. I was holding the baby. W was there. Matt was in the other room. It was as bad as every nightmare I have ever had about something terrible happening to my children. I couldn't move fast enough. I needed a second to think. To figure out a plan. To assess his condition. To make everything ok.

I put the baby on the ground. I reached for B. And I was so thankful he was coherent and breathing and with me.

I can list the ways the accident could have been prevented. I described the fall to the EMT and then the emergency room doctors. I told them all the details, admitting my short falls. And I have seen it happen again and again in my mind. When I'm giving him a hug, when I'm driving down the street, when I'm in the middle of a meeting... The vision of his fall haunts me.

What haunts me more is the thought that a parent could react in any other way. That was the case in the book The Execution of Noa P. Singleton, my latest From Left to Write Book Club read, which inspired this post. A mother drops her child down the stairs and convinced she'll be blamed for doing it on purpose, she calls the police, claims a robbery, then trashes her house. This becomes the baby's first memory and echoes throughout her life.

This post was inspired by the novel The Execution of Noa P. Singleton by Elizabeth L. Silver. Mere months before Noa’s execution, her victim’s mother changed her mind Noa’s sentence and vows to help stay the execution. Join From Left to Write on July 30 as we discuss The Execution of Noa P. Singleton.. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Big News: Hannemaniacs Are Moving

We sold our house. Well, first we found a house we liked, got into a bidding war, won the contract, listed our house, sold our house fast, found issues with our new house during inspection -- and then things halted. The foundation needs some help and there is evidence of flooding. So, we spent lots of time talking to vendors and specialists and considered our options. And ultimately decided: A house with sinking foundation that floods? WE'LL TAKE IT!

Because, yes, we are that crazy. And also because, let's face it, we Hannemaniacs love a good project. So, that my friends is the next chapter... We're moving into a house that needs to be totally renovated. We will literally touch every inch of the house. We will sink all of our extra money into the house. We will be totally exhausted. Yet we're totally excited. We have vision.

It's not all bad. We're doubling our square footage. We love the layout of the house. The location and neighborhood are terrific. And it's a diamond in the rough (REALLY, REALLY ROUGH).

So, right now we're packing and talking plans. And trying not to get too sentimental about every "last" we have in this house we have loved so much for the last five years. We moved into this house with vision. We made it our own, which is why I know that in a few years our new house will feel just as good to us. Hopefully better.

Why I Stopped Watching The Following

Do you watch The Following? I love me some Kevin Bacon, so tuned in for the first few weeks and loved it. Then it started to feel too violent. Sometimes unnecessarily violent. And then it felt like while I was watching and snacking on a bowl of popcorn some psychopath in the US was also watching with more sinister intentions. As the show continued it just seemed like the life of sadistic killers was becoming too sexy and exciting. But, I kept watching.

Then Sandy Hook happened and I told Matt I just couldn't watch anything violent and we just needed to turn off the tv for a while. And then the bombs went off in Boston. It was all so terrible and heavy and made me realize how vulnerable each of us are as we go about our daily lives. I haven't watched The Following since. It's scary to realize the fragility of life, which is the single most frightening aspect of being a parent. The Following made me feel like anyone could be a target, but I was able to remind myself it was a tv show. The shootings and bombings were suddenly real life. You can't escape reality (well, you can, but I'm not really into psychedelics).

We can't stop leaving the house and taking our kids to school and going to the grocery store, I know this. So, I wonder if this is our new reality... Are tragedies like Sandy Hook and attacks like the Boston bombings just part of life? I don't want to admit that could be the truth.

While reading A Constellation of Vital Phenomenon I was reminded of the charmed life most Americans live compared to the majority of the world. I had to keep reminding myself that much of the book took place in 2004 in Chechnya. In 2004!!! As in when I was living the care-free existence of a 20-something in the city. Yet one of the main characters in the book was likely the same age and returned to her ravaged homeland after the start of a promising medical career in London. Fear of landmines, living in a seemingly lawless land, and the devastation that surrounded them was a reality... The fragility of life an actual concern every moment, not just something on television or the news.

I'm still not planning to watch The Following anymore. I'm sorry, Kevin Bacon, I love you and your skinny ties, but the world doesn't need any more ideas on how to hurt each other.

This post was inspired by the novel A Constellation of Vital Phenomena by Anthony Marra. In a war torn Chechnya, a young fatherless girl, a family friend, and a hardened doctor struggle with love and loss. Join From Left to Write on May 20 as we discuss Anthony Marra's debut novel. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.