When School Counselors and Teachers Dash Dreams? Prove Them Wrong.

The other day my pal Kim met her son's high school counselor, which reminded her of the wonderful relationship she had with her own high school counselor. She asked if anyone on the Motherboard wanted to blog about their counselor or a teacher who was an influence... I thought about it for a moment and thought about is some more.... And then I realized I had very few memories of my high school counselor, except for one thing: She told one of my close friends that she should give up on her hopes for college and do something else.

Now, let's get something straight, I agree that the university setting is not for everyone. There are people who struggle in college and should probably be learning a trade or following a passion elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with choosing another path. But, when you want to get a degree for all of the right reasons and are willing to work hard to get there, that advice isn't exactly encouraging.

My friend is not a good test taker. Her ACT scores and grades reflected that, but she was determined to get a college education. She spent a year at community college and focused hard on getting good grades that would enable her to transfer to a university. After a year she was accepted at a university and graduated with her BA in four years, in the area of study she had wanted to focus on since high school. She was the first of my group of friends to land a job out of college and continues to be very successful. She's survived rounds of acquisitions, restructuring, lay offs, and has literally been the last woman standing. She's amazing and she's a hard worker. And she was determined to prove that counselor wrong. I'm so damn proud of her.

When Matt was in third grade he couldn't memorize the months in order. Matt had just been diagnosed with dyslexia. It wasn't that he didn't try, he tried harder than anyone else in his class, but couldn't do it. His teacher told him that he wouldn't get out of the third grade if he didn't learn the months in order. She was mean. Mean enough for Matt to still talk about it today. And he didn't memorize the months in order until high school. Imagine that... He still went to a Big Ten university for his BA and has a graduate degree from film school.

I think of what I would do if a teacher or counselor squashed my kids' dreams... When do you realize that the teacher or counselor might be correct in recommending your child consider other options - even if that means their heart will be broken? And when do you realize when they're just being mean? I think you tell them that if they want something bad enough, they have to put their head down, work hard, and prove them wrong. I know two people who did.

Dreamers Cling to Hope, Just Ask My Friend Nicki

This is Nicki and me learning all about being kick ass bloggers. Clearly she was paying better attention.

There are many, many reasons to blog. And we all blog for different reasons. I blog for a whole slew of reasons, however connecting with other bloggers was never one of those reasons. It never even crossed my mind. But, then I did connect with other bloggers (and actually have made some wonderful friends). And they continue to remind me of how powerful the online blogging community can really be and how lucky I am to have met some of these creative, smart, and inspiring people.

I met my friend, Nicki (she's a dreamer, who also blogs here), at the Yahoo! Motherboard Summit in July 2010 and I am positive she will be a friend of mine forever. We were both SV Mom bloggers before it went defunct and are From Left to Write Book Club members, so you can say we run in the same blogging circle (if you're a nerd, like me). More important, we just clicked and made each other laugh really hard (and are both super smart and painfully pretty), so of course we had to be friends, right?

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, e-mail chats, social media tools, and our respective blogs, we've stayed up-to-date on each other's lives. I'm thankful for that, because it means that Nicki didn't have to pick up the phone to let me know that her baby girl Kenna was born earlier this week via emergency c-section at a teeny, tiny 9 ounces and 9 inches. I keep looking down at my hands, trying to even imagine holding a baby that small. Try it, it's crazy.

Kenna has totally defied the odds, showing she has her mama's spunk and resilience. I believe in Nicki. I believe she and her little girl will come through this, but my heart aches for her. Nicki blogs because she has to write. It's her outlet. She's blogged honestly about the ups and downs of her life. And she has blogged every day through this difficult week. When life gets tough, I fall off the map. (Notice the complete drop in blog posts after B was born.) I hide. Instead, Nicki has replied to texts, e-mails, Facebook messages, everything... And I do not know how she has does it.

Nicki draws strength from her readers and her community. She is putting herself out there, radiating positivity, sharing her struggles, and keeping her readers and friends informed each day. She is a really talented and truthful writer. And she knows that this is what blogging is all about... Putting your story out there, sharing your life, and finding that there are people out there who can understand you.

I have seen the way the blogging community has rallied around my friend, in ways she may not even know yet and I'm proud to be a part of it. In the same way we were making peanut butter pies in August, we're sending our most positive energy, thoughts, prayers (whatever it might be) to Nicki who proves that blogging is about so much more than just being a mom blogger. So, do me a favor... Send her some of your energy. She needs it.

Blogs About Loss

There are a lot of blogs out there that focus on loss or a family member's terminal illness. Sometimes I can't help, but click and read. I remember one in particular. Brittany called me and told me to look at this blog. She was balling. I ended up crying. And then got mad that she made me look. It was beautiful and heart-breaking. And, as a new mom and blogger, I was stunned. And there were so many others like that blog. So many families sharing their pain and their stories. And so many reasons to be thankful and fearful at the same time.

Last night I followed a link and was introduced to a little girl and her two mommies. The little girl was diagnosed with an inoperable, terminal brain tumor. In a recent post one of her moms writes about planning the funeral for her sweet, curly haired girl, as she sits on her lap - Blissfully unaware. Gut wrenching, right? There are mentions of morphine and naps and loss. And through tears, I made myself stop reading.

I wanted to comment, but didn't know how. So, I wrote a post for Yahoo! Shine that I would love for you to read. I want to hear from you. Would you have commented?

Photo courtesy of m_bartosch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Tomorrow I'll Make a Peanut Butter Pie for Mikey and Jennifer Perillo

I return to work a week from today. And, I have to admit, I'm ready. I've had a great time home with the boys, but I really miss my job. I'm one of those lucky people who really likes what they do and loves their co-workers. I'm also really fortunate because my mom did full childcare for W up until now. I am constantly thankful for how lucky I am to be a working mom with such a great situation: Awesome job, awesome childcare.

Now that we have two kids, my mom is going down to three days and we've hired a nanny for the other two days. I think she's going to be a great fit. She's spending the day with us tomorrow so she can get to know the boys, and I can show her around the house and walk her to the library and the park.

And then I plan to take some time in the early afternoon to participate in Peanut Butter Pie Friday for Mikey and Jennifer Perillo.

Jennifer Perillo is part of the Yahoo! Motherboard. Her husband passed away suddenly this week. They have two young daughters. Everything about this is heart-breaking and terrible. There are no words. She asked her blogging community to come together and each make his favorite dessert, Creamy Peanut Butter Pie, tomorrow and share it with someone you love. I bought all the ingredients today and plan to see if I can get W to help me tomorrow while the nanny plays with B. He won't last long, which is OK. I could use the time to just bake something and be with myself for a little bit to reflect on the transition we're all about to go through.

Life is quick and it's times like these that I second guess my choice to go back to work, to spend all of that time away from the boys. How can I sacrifice a single day with them? But, I know it's not that simple. It just makes my heart hurt to know that everything can be so fleeting.

I remember meeting Jennifer during the Yahoo! Motherboard Summit last summer. I sat at a table with her and a few other bloggers who are all a much bigger deal than I am and it kind of felt like I was a little kid at the adults table. We chatted about our kids, our husbands, the usual... I remember so clearly what she said about her husband and there was an incredible amount of love there. That conversation, one that she might not remember, has been on my mind all week -- And so has she. So, I'll bake this pie and share it with people I love and once again remind myself to appreciate every moment we have together.

On Cleaning and Letting Go

A few months ago we hired a regular cleaning service to come every other week. After trying to stay on top of it ourselves, we realized something had to be taken off the good old to-do list.

Now we have a trust-worthy, hard working woman who helps get our house in order for three hours every two weeks. It has made life incredibly better. I don't feel as frazzled, we don't bicker as much, we don't waste time scrubbing toilets on weekends instead of playing with our little guy... It was a terrific decision.

Sure, at first I felt guilty about having someone else wash my floors and spending the extra money, but I realized we could brown bag it for lunch and save more than we'd spend on the cleaning service.

For the Yahoo! Motherboard, we were asked to write about cleaning this month. I wrote about the decision to outsource mine and why it's OK for moms to let go. Check the post out here.

Soon We'll All Be Soccer Players

For the Yahoo! Motherboard our January topic was whether to encourage kids to follow in our footsteps. Matt and I grew up in very different ways when it came to activities. I tried everything and weeks were an endless string of activities, Matt had a lot more free time to run through the woods. I see the benefits of both ways of encouraging your children and their talents.

Last month I signed W up for soccer. When I heard from a friend that her son (who is two months younger than W) was already playing soccer, I totally freaked. I played soccer from 1st grade into high school. It was one of the activities I really loved and stuck with as I grew up. Matt played soccer in high school, but wishes that he had growing up. We're all about soccer. Of course W needs to play soccer! Are we signing him up for us or for him?

Check out the post I wrote for Shine on trying to make decisions that are best for our child without just wanting him to be a version of you.

How Good Grows Through Ripples of Kindness

As part of the Yahoo! Motherboard, I am SO EXCITED to take part in Yahoo's How Good Grows Through Ripples of Kindness. Yahoo! has offered me $100 for random acts of kindness to brighten people's holiday season.

I decided right away that I would match it with my own $100. When I told my mom she offered to match as well. Then my boss told me she'd like to match. Yesterday my mother-in-law asked if she could match. I didn't *ask* any of these people to match, I didn't even think to. They all simply offered, because, you know, kindness brings on more kindness. Yahoo!'s $100 quickly became $500.

I made some phone calls and am still figuring out what to do with the money, but so far I have agreed to "adopt" a couple of families living at the shelter run by the domestic violence organization I used to work for and a friend of mine is looking into what students at the school she works with can use winter coats, gloves, hats, etc.

Today I received the wish lists for the families I've "adopted" and one of the girls #1 wish is a coat, her #2 is snow boots,#3 is a Dora watch. A kid wishing for a coat and boots. Ugh. A woman's #1 wish is underwear. These are the Christmas wishes Yahoo! and so many other great people are going to help me fulfill.

The least I can do is the shopping, right? So, I've decided to stretch the money as far as I can and will brave the crowds on Black Friday. Not for our gifts, but theirs. If you know me this is my worst nightmare. I make fun of people who shop that day. But, why would I ever make it easy on myself?

I hope you'll visit Yahoo!'s How Good Grows Through Ripples of Kindness to see what other people are doing to spread kindness and hopefully you'll make your own ripple.

I Might Be A Mean Mom, But He'll Be Healthier For It

I'm a mean mom. I'm no fun. Poor, poor William... I hear this a lot and it has nothing to do with my mothering skills and more to do with the things that I don't give William. I should be more specific: It has everything to do with the FOOD I don't give William.

He's never had McDonald's (or any other fast food). He doesn't get lollipops (even when he gets a shot). Candy has never crossed his little lips. I can count the number of times he's had (extremely watered down) juice. He doesn't get syrup with his pancakes. And, for each of these things, I've been told I'm a mean mom. Friends and strangers have no problem making the pained "ooohhhh" sound and then call me mean. I'm not depriving him, I've just made a commitment to trying to keep him eating healthy. It's irritating that people choose to translate that into me depriving him of something. Whatever, so be it.

It all started when we introduced fruits and vegetables. I made ALL of his baby food with my trusty Beaba. I loved introducing him to new fruits and vegetables, knowing exactly what I was feeding my little guy. It was easy and made me realize how cleanly he was eating.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the little joys in life that treats and sweets give us. I grew up in a house that always had fresh-baked goodies on the counter. My mom made chocolate chip cookies, rice krispie treats, brownies, and her signature cinnamon coffee cake on a near-constant basis. I appreciate the comfort that baking brings for a mom and every now and then make banana bread or pumpkin chocolate chip cookies to share with my little guy. It's not like I'm totally crazy about living a non-sugar/healthy foods lifestyle, I just try to make good decisions for him while I'm still in charge of what goes in his mouth. And I'd rather he eat homemade treats than those coming out of a bag.

His eating habits aren't perfect. Yes, he gets chicken fingers and likes to dip them in honey mustard. Sure, he gets a cookie when I'm desperate in a grocery store and just need to cooperate as I get my list done. Grilled cheese and fries are a go-to at one of our favorite local restaurants. His favorite snack is Goldfish. And I'm absolutely guilty of letting him indulge in his love of chips and guacamole when we go to a Mexican restaurant.

However, given the childhood obesity epidemic that threatens our nation, the high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, extra sodium, and who-knows-what lurking in our foods, I'm fine with being a mean mom. I'll take mean if it means my little guy will be healthier in the long run. I just hope that more people will stop considering moms mean for saying no when their kid is offered a lollipop after their haircut.

This month Yahoo! Motherboard members share their thoughts on teaching kids healthy eating habits. See what think others about this topic here.

Back to School for Some, Back to Schedule for Us

It's late August, which means back to school for most people. We're not there yet, but August does mark a major time of change at our house. Summer this year was so jam-packed with plans, parties, travel, work, and house stuff that we hardly got a chance to function as a family. You know, make lunches, sit down for dinner, or even hold any sort of regular schedule. None of that existed for us this summer.

Fall tends to be a turning point for us. Our social obligations lighten, travel is less, and the lack of yard work opens more time in our regular life. We also enter my crazy season at work for the Gala and Matt's workload increases with annual media buys coming in, which means that we have to plan for everything. We make lunches, try to do weekly meal planning, use our crock pot multiple times a week, do laundry on the weekends, grocery shop on Sundays... We just kind of get into a groove, which somehow makes us feel more like a family.

Regardless of whether we're going back to school or getting slammed at work, fall will always be our favorite time of year. There's something about it that makes me want to organize the house, make some good meals, and be a really good mom. Maybe I've been trained to feel like fall is a new phase since my mom always made a huge deal of our going back to school preparations. We took our lists to the store, begged for pens and accessories in our favorite colors, new outfits, shoes and soccer cleats... Fall meant the beginning of something. It still does. I get energized by the Fall, everything feels more crisp to me. It just feels good.

We're a couple years away from the first day of kindergarten, but it'll be here before we know it. I just hope that we find a happy medium with work and home so we can be there for our little guy on all his first days, hear about the details of his day, watch his first soccer practices, and ensure it's a special time for him, like it was for me.

This month Yahoo! Motherboard members reflect on the Back to School season. While I can't give you back to school tips, you can get some from Yahoo! here.

Yahoo! Motherboard: Learned About Blogging, More About Me

I know you've all been waiting to hear how things went during my trip to California to visit the Yahoo! campus and I'm FINALLY pulling it together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Cut me some slack, I'm lucky I made it in the first place with the whole shingles situation. Lucky, indeed.

Here are five things that I learned about myself at Yahoo!:

1. You can call me a Mom Blogger.
Go for it. I don't care, in fact I prefer it. All of us Mom Bloggers (and there are a ton of us) are doing this for a reason. Our lives may be our inspiration, but we're all so very different with vast backgrounds and current-grounds. So, if that's what binds us together, then so be it. Call me a Mom Blogger. I'm in really good company. I'm proud to be in a group with some really intelligent, fun, witty, fabulous women who also happen to be moms.

2. I will never catch up.
We cannot keep up with the internet. As soon as we got it down, it's changing on us, right? And with a full-time job and every other bucket I'm carrying full to the top, I'm hardly keeping my head afloat sometimes when it comes to online trends, resources, or buzz. Man, I have a lot to learn. But, luckily, we were gifted the Yahoo! Style Guide, which is THICK. So, by the time I finish reading it, there will be plenty more new stuff to learn.

3. I'm a small fish in a vast ocean.
Seriously, I wasn't even sure that I should be going to the conference. But, really, how could I not? Household mom blogging names were there, women that I follow and read, established internet women... And me. But, it didn't mean they were mean to me or act like mean girls. Everyone I met was awesome. I learned what I could, made some really nice friends, and walked away feeling that I'm on the right track. I'm working in the right space for me and I have a good outlet. Most of the women considered this their full time deal, but for now I'm still loving my real job and having fun with this on the side. And that's ok. For now.

4. Yahoo! has to be the best workplace I have ever seen.
An immaculate campus with gorgeous flowers. Sand volleyball courts. Basketball courts. Pool tables. And (the best detail ever!) a FREE ESPRESSO BAR. Oh, and I know they really care about the women who work there... No quarter necessary to work the tampon dispensers. I'm just saying... Anyway, it made going back to my cube a little rough.

5. Palo Alto is just about the perfect place for me.
Nice people, beautiful weather, best Farmer's Market I've ever visited, a Venezuelan cafe (first I've ever been to), the most incredible downtown area you'd ever wish for, and adorable houses... that cost about $12 mil. So, yeah, I'm not packing up and moving. Clearly. But, when the Lottery comes a-knockin...

These are the general themes that I left with, but trust me, I learned a lot more... Like that I should keep my posts under 300 words (oops) and how to title for better SEO and how important internet security is with your kids and the dangers of sexting and cyberbullying and how people read blogs and where eyes fall on a computer screen and what a really good California Sauvignon Blanc tastes like and that you can buy awesome hairdryers from The Four Seasons and that I now have friends all over the internet that I hope to see in person again soon.

Since I was terrible with the camera, I suggest you check out these photos:



Disclaimer: Yahoo! paid for my travel expenses and basically everything else. And treated me well. Really, really well.

July Sandwich: Weddings on the Outside, Delicious Conference in the Middle

I've spent the past three weekends away from my little guy. Attending to my matron of honor duties for my sister's and best friend's weddings sandwiched the fabulous Yahoo! Motherboard Summit. I worked the two or three days that I was home in between each and then unpacked and repacked my suitcase for the next destination. Oh, and I had shingles throughout all of this. And was drinking heavily. (Who am I to pass up a celebratory cocktail... Or 8?) So, it was a lot of running around for a lot of incredible reasons, but it made July a total blur.

Anyway, I will post about all of these things in due time. I just have to get my act together, because I kind of feel like I was hit by a train. So, I'm licking my wounds, taking all my meds, hydrating, and loading this kid with hugs and kisses. His new words and phrases are just beyond amazing and he even remembers who I am, so it couldn't have been too bad, right?

This mom has a lot of catch up to do on the home front, so bear with me. I feel like I spent the 4th of July with a toddler, but am entering August with a little boy.

Home

I'm back from my quick, action-packed trip to California to attend the Yahoo! Summit. I'll put together a highlight post this week, but for now wanted to reflect on the many, many things that made it so wonderful: Like Yahoo!'s effortless attention to detail and appreciation for the time we all took away from our families and the many fantastic other bloggers that I can't wait to get to know better and the inspiration I drew from sharing time with so many established bloggers and writers and the gorgeous town of Palo Alto and its restaurants and lovely Farmer's Market and - most of all - a terrific husband who never thought twice about holding down the fort on his own. Oh yeah, and I learned a lot from the cool people at Yahoo! (seriously, you have to be really cool to get a job there) and my fellow bloggers. Being a small potato (as I was) meant I was just there to learn.

I have a lot of work to do in many ways, personally and bloggally, but right now I have to focus on some rest and getting better. After telling shingles to f*off, they bit back and I'm now seriously paying for it.

Yahoo! and Shingles

This morning I woke out of a restful sleep to the sound of "Oh (insert curse word of choice), it's 5:15. Your cab is here!" Sure was. The cab waiting to pick me up and then fellow blogger Kim and then take us to O'Hare for our 7:10 flight. (This is am, people, let's keep that in mind.) In record speed I ran around the house to pull everything together. For once in my life I had packed the night before and laid everything else out on the kitchen table. Thankfully.

So, why did I catch a flight this morning? Well, here I am now laying on a most comfortable bed at the Four Seasons in Palo Alto, California where I'm attending the Yahoo! Motherboard Summit. Aren't they nice?

This is the first day in about two months that I haven't had a schedule and multiple places to be. I never thought it was possible. And I need this. I really do. 'Cuz, I have shingles. (I'm not contagious, I cleared travel with the doctor, so save the lectures.)

As I previously thought, shingles are not an "old person" thing. So, while this might be a little T.M.I. for some people, I feel like I'm doing you all a favor in case you start to get these symptoms. It took a second opinion to get mine diagnosed. The first doctor told me I had a skin irritation. (I imagine my insurance company should get their money back and I'd like my $20 co-pay back, please.)

Anyway, remember that wee little problem I have with stretching myself a little bit too thin and overbooking any calendar I can get my hands on? Yeah, well, it came back to bite me hard in the hip (the location of my shingles outbreak). Friends and husband alike have told me it's a wake up call. Hopefully it's not as abrupt as this morning's...

But, seriously, I'm listening. I have a couple of hours before the cocktail reception and instead of heading to the bar, which would be my normal next step, I'm closing the shades and my eyes. The doctor prescribed rest, so I might as well listen. For once.... Especially considering I got the diagnosis last night on my way to Ravinia to see Swell Season and celebrate the upcoming wedding of my two most favorite sailors! Totally worth dismissing his advice on that one, though. I stand by that choice.

Internet Safey - Then vs. Now

I remember when my parents got our first computer with internet. We had AOL and it was a big deal. I still remember the sound of the modem dialing up, the anticipation of "chatting" with someone, seeing my name pop up on a list of people who were also on the internet. I was in junior high. My parents didn't know what I was up to. I was always a night owl, usually reading, but when the rest of the lights would go out, I'd creep into the basement and play with the new computer. Sometimes it was Sim City or Zelda, usually it was the internet.

There was a guy who would pop up and talk to me. I assumed we were the same age, but the interaction must have been basic and slow, given my junior high level of communication and two-fingered typing skills. I recall we talked a couple of times, nothing major and then he asked for my phone number. I gave it to him. Internet security and safety didn't seem to be a big deal in the early 90's. Anyway, he called me and I remember answering the phone and hearing a far older voice than I was prepared to hear. Instantly, I knew a line was crossed, but he was in California and I was in junior high, it seemed to me that nothing could go wrong. And it didn't. Maybe he didn't realize how young I was, but he likely did. I knew I shouldn't talk to him, that my mom would flip out if she heard his voice, so I told him not to call me anymore.

We continued to talk online, but not on the phone. I was clearly freaked out by the depth of his voice and somehow the internet felt safer. Then a package showed up. Now, I don't remember if I gave him my mailing address, maybe I did? It included photos of him and a sweatshirt from his university. That's right. UNIVERSITY. He was over the age of 18. I was probably 12 and I'm sure I sounded like it. My mom saw the package and communication halted immediately. My choice as well. I didn't know exactly what I was doing, but I knew it couldn't be good. I don't believe I ever signed on to chat again. I was spooked enough by the weirdness of the situation, I didn't even need to watch an episode of the Dateline sting operations cornering internet predators.

When I think of the situation, I still get slightly nauseated. It gets worse when I think of it in context of my own child. What will the internet have in store for him? There were no photos of me online at the time, someone had to really work to find me, but now it's all out there. Even as adults, we're at risk. One of my nearest and dearest is right now dealing with some unwanted internet attention from someone who is anonymously harassing her, but knows a ton about her life. She has a blog and her name and profile are on her company site. It wasn't hard to find information about her. You can find her on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn... But, aren't these the basics sites that everyone is on? It's scary to think that someone is trolling these sites for personal information used to harass her. That's scary for a 31 year-old adult. What will it be in 10 years when I have a 12 year-old on my hands?

I've learned my lesson and try really hard not to list the things "I'll never do." I can't say I'll never let my son go on a computer without supervision or that I'll never let him have an account with whatever social media tool is all the rage. I can't say I'll always use the parental controls or check his online activity every night or keep all of our family's computers in common areas or insist that he play a board game with me instead of games on the computer.

But, I know I'll try as hard as I can to keep him safe, to give him the confidence to make good judgements. And I know I'll remember that uneasy feeling I got when I heard that too-deep voice and saw the photos of someone I knew I shouldn't be chatting with. My red flags went up, but that doesn't mean that every kid's does.

This post was inspired by National Internet Safety Month, which was the Yahoo! Motherboard topic this month.