I Miss Reading

Man, being a parent can be a real time suck. Everything that I used to do with my time is pretty much no longer an option now that I have three human beings under the age of five totally reliant on me. All day is spent tending to their needs, running them around, or working. Then I put them to bed and clean the house/do the laundry/look through mail/fold the laundry/prepare stuff for tomorrow and hope one of them doesn't fight sleep. Every now and then I catch dinner with a friend or have a meeting. If we try to watch any tv or a movie we're automatically up way past when we should and then end up cranky the next day.

Like right now, I know I should be going to bed, but it's the only opportunity I have to cross this one thing off my list... So, I'll be tired in the morning. Like the day. I was totally exhausted because I just so desperately needed to read.

I got into bed at 10 pm, which is my goal bedtime (but early for me) with the intention of working on a book I could not get out of my head. I opened A Well-Tempered Heart and then what I thought was about 30 minutes later... checked the clock to see how many more pages I could read... 11:40. So, I got to a stopping point and went to bed. I don't know the last time I've spent nearly two hours reading.

Of everything I miss from my child-free days it's the ability to close a book knowing I'll get back to it in the morning, knowing I can take a weekend afternoon to devote myself to reading. Now I'm never so sure. But, this book was one I just couldn't say no to.

This post was inspired by the novel A Well-Tempered Heart by Jan-Philipp Sendker.  Feeling lost and burned out, Julia drops her well paying job at a NYC law firm. After hearing a stranger’s voice in her head, she travels to Burma to find the voice’s story and hopefully herself as well. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Dear GE, Your Cafe Series Range Has Been Leaking Gas Into My House

Below you'll find a message to GE. I'm posting this to warn people about the Cafe Series (CGS985SET5SS) range I purchased and also about (what I think is) GE's lack of responsiveness to a very dangerous hazard. Please share with anyone who has this range or is considering buying a new range. I don't care about page count, publicity, or anything like that, I care about what COULD have happened to my kids and COULD happen to someone else...

Hey, GE, remember me? The lady who called about the two ranges of yours that were leaking gas into her house? Of course you don’t, because you never took the time to call me back and learn about it.

So, let me back track. I was dazzled by your Café series (CGS985SET5SS). The bells and whistles, the beautiful, sleek, professional look all attached to the name GE with a big red ribbon on it. I was creating my dream kitchen under high stress (hours notice), so I chose your products (range, fridge, dishwasher, and convection microwave) and built the rest of the kitchen around it. It was love at first sight when the appliances were delivered in late October.

And then I used the oven. The first time I actually cooked something in the kitchen the smell of gas was so strong you could smell it outside. How do I know this? Because I was hosting family for dinner and they smelled it on the driveway. So, I called our gas company whose tech arrived immediately. His meter went nuts and he turned off gas to the range. Yikes. I called our retailer who insisted this was the first issue they’d had with this unit and offered to send us a replacement. I agreed, figuring I was just the unlucky person who received the defective stove.

Then I used the new stove and I smelled gas… again. And again. And again. The gas company came out twice. They couldn’t figure out what the problem was, as their meters weren’t showing anything. They suggested I open the windows, that since they were new there wasn’t enough air flow. It was getting increasingly worse, so I started avoiding using the stove. Except for Thanksgiving when I made a full meal and had to open the windows to air out the kitchen (as had been advised by a confused gas company technician). My mom called me at work one day and told me she had tried making the kids dinner and it got so bad she could taste gas and we had no choice but to address it... AGAIN.

So, the next day my husband and I decided to figure it out on our own. We started the oven… No gas smell. It heated to 350, we both walked into the kitchen, and – BAM – hit a wall of gas. We turned it off. Then set it to 325 and tried again. Nothing. So, we opened the windows and called the gas company.

The gas company showed up and the two of us explained everything we knew about the problem, including our suspicion that gas leaks when the oven tries to maintain temperature at 350 or higher. He turned on the oven. Nothing. And then it hit 350 and within a few minutes his little meter starting beeping, went red, and basically did all of the things to alert us to the fact that we had a big gas issue in our kitchen.

“You've got a major problem here. This is crazy. You’re lucky you didn’t blow up your house,” he said. Hear that, GE? Because the “customer care” guy I spoke with yesterday morning didn’t seem to think it was a big enough deal to put me on with his supervisor. He told me I was now in a cue, which I apparently remain in as I await a call 24+ hours later.

But I digress... The guy from the gas company was shocked. We were shocked. The reality is: we were putting ourselves and the kids in an incredible amount of danger when we used that stove. Our retailer gets it. Apparently I’m not the only person who has complained about this very issue. And I have been assured they REMOVED THE RANGE FROM THEIR FLOOR until you figure it out, GE. But no recall yet. Both the gas company technician and my retailer confirmed that the range “spews gas” (their words, actually, not mine). Yet, you haven't put anything out there to warn people, GE. Why?

My retailer asked their GE specialist to call me A WEEK AGO. I have not heard from him. I called your customer support line yesterday to see what your recommendation on my next steps should be and to learn of any plans of addressing this hazard. Because, you know, I’m hoping other families who have this stove have a keen sense of smell. And, you know, I’d like to make Christmas cookies with my kids at some point this year. But, GE, you haven't called me back. In your defense, you did warn me it could take up to 48 hours. (By the way, GE, this is not a busted knob… THIS IS A SERIOUS ISSUE. And I was totally open to staying with GE yesterday and finding a different model if you could have assured me it was not a safety hazard, but guess what?!?! Too late.) You're apparently more than happy to send out one of your technicians, but I can’t speak with someone who can actually answer questions.

I'll be waiting by the phone, GE. You just get back to me when you have a chance.

Disclaimer: This is my opinion, based on what I experienced with two ranges, information obtained from GE, my retailer, our gas company (four technicians), and lots of internet searching for answers. Clearly, I was not compensated in any way for this post. And - luckily - there have been no physical injuries, just mental and emotional distress to me and Matt -- and the two grandmothers who have been in tears over what could have happened.

How to Support Friends Through Infertility

If you think you don't have friends struggling with fertility, you just don't know the truth... because, trust me, you do. I've had a number of friends face fertility challenges, including a couple of my most favorite people. It sucks, no matter what the issue may be. Some just took longer than they thought to get pregnant, a couple were lucky after taking some drugs to kick start their efforts, and then there are a few who have gone down the road of IVF and more. Some have been successful, others have not. And as my friends struggled I had three healthy pregnancies, one even that was a huge surprise.

I feel the void that they feel as our family has rapidly grown with very little effort. It's incredibly unfair. It makes me sick that it's just luck. Dumb luck. And I'd by lying if I didn't think "why couldn't it be them?" when I found out I was pregnant with A. Seriously.

I've cried when reading text messages about miscarriage and unsuccessful attempts from a friend I know couldn't bear to have to speak the news to me. It's heart breaking. All of it.

People, you never know who might be dealing with fertility issues. So, do me a favor and keep your mouth shut. Don't ask people when they're going to have children (I'm looking at you, nosy old ladies) or go overboard in telling them how amazing it is to have children (trust me, they know).

So, while those are some pretty obvious things that you should not do. Here is a list of ways you can be supportive of friends dealing with infertility:

1. Don't Make Assumptions: It's really easy to make assumptions about what friends who are struggling with fertility issues will and will not want to do with your family. Don't jump to conclusions. An invitation to your child's first birthday party may feel like the worst thing you can subject them to, but extend the invitation with the understanding that you get it if they choose to pass.

2. It's Not About You. Your friends pass on your child's birthday party invitation? Don't want to come to your house for trick-or-treating? Seem a little distant? Get over it. It's not about you.

3. Don't Ask. Don't text every month to check in around ovulation time. Don't ask for an update every time you see her. If they want to discuss it, trust me, it will come up. Ask "how is everything," which is a good way to allow them to talk about the awesome soup they made for dinner last night or pull out a box of tissues and sit down for a heart to heart. You open the door, it's their choice to walk in or close it.

4. Do Tell. You're pregnant? Give them a call and let them know. Find a way to discuss with them before you invite them to the dinner with your 20 closest friends to make a grand announcement. Or just don't do that. I bet your friendship is more important in the long run. And do tell them about things going on with your kids. They're interested in your life and your kids, because they're your friend. Not talking about your own kids is like an elephant walking into the room. Just be thoughtful in how you approach it.

5. Be Positive. Don't ask what they're going to do if they don't end up delivering a child. As long as they are on this road, you're on it too. Let them determine the alternative routes. They already are a family, the same as you... Just minus the minis... for now. They don't need your opinion on their next steps. Unless they ask for it.

I'm no expert. I have no certification. But, I think I'm a pretty good friend and one of my strengths lies in my ability to read people and what they need. So, take my advice or leave it. And, better yet, comment with your own advice.

And, to my friends who have struggled and continue to struggle with fertility, I've never wanted anything as much as I've wanted you to be successful, because I know it's important to you. I hope I'm not a huge idiot in giving advice to others. I hope I've been a good friend to you. And I'm so honored you've held me in confidence and friendship on your journeys.

This post was inspired by The Blossom Method’s You Never Know campaign. My participation is voluntary and I have not received any financial compensation. All thoughts and opinions are my own. The Blossom Method is a therapy practice offering support, community, comfort and hope to women and couples experiencing issues related to infertility, pregnancy loss, genetic complications, pelvic disorders, NICU preemies and postpartum depression. 

Phone: 312.854.0061, email: info@blossommethod.com, website: www.blossommethod.com

Tricky #3

I've been having contractions since Saturday. Monday night we even made a false alarm trip to the hospital. The L&D nurse came in and asked me what number baby this was for me. When I told her it was #3, she laughed and said, "Ahhh... Tricky #3!" Apparently "go-time" is harder to determine with a third. It would have been nice if someone warned me about this.

I could have sworn it was time, but as soon as they hooked me up to the monitor, it became obvious that I wasn't quite there. So, they said I could walk around for a couple of hours and then start pitocin. But, honestly, I didn't need to have this baby bad enough on Monday night and there were too many loose strings to tie up and I told  them I wanted to go home. So, we did. I kept my feet up all day yesterday and guess what happened... The contractions stopped late in the afternoon and I woke up today feeling like a million bucks.

I saw the doctor today and she thinks I'll go in the next 48 hours. So, consider Baby Watch 2012 to be on.

A Working Mom's Worst Nightmare: When Your Beloved Nanny Quits

Three kids seems to be the magic number that makes people get all serious and ask: "What are you going to do?" They seem to look at our life (two parents working full-time and three kids under four) and figure it isn't sustainable or sane.

Up until last week I would look right back at everyone and say, "We'll be fine!"

Then our nanny quit. And now I just don't know.

I haven't written a ton about Nanny K on here. She is amazing and perfect and in the almost year she has been with us I completely fell in love with her and the relationship she developed with my kids. She never once turned on the tv, enforced boundaries, taught W to put on his own shoes, took the boys to museums and the zoo, keeps her cell phone in her purse, makes sure the kids have hats on, packs lunches and finds free parking even when I give her cash... She is everything I never knew I wanted in a nanny. And now she's leaving us. I'm happy for her, because she has a job that she worked really hard to secure, but I'm devastated for us.

When she told us I started crying. My hormones are totally out of control thanks to pregnancy and I hadn't even prepared myself for the possibility that we could lose her before 2013. But, here we are... Starting a search to replace an irreplaceable nanny in just over a week. After she told us last week I sat on the train all teary-eyed and pregnant and starting reaching out to my network. I started to feel confident that I would quickly find someone just as wonderful. Yes, my well-meaning Twitter pals and their positive vibes really made me believe everything would be fine, but my enthusiasm is melting.

I've set up a number of interviews and already met one candidate (big NO) and had another cancel on me. It was when I made my list of interview questions that I realized we are going to have to find someone really, really, extraordinary. This was the question that freaked me out: You'll have to take our oldest to preschool every morning. How will you manage this with a 4 year old, 20 month old, and an infant?

Who is going to be able to do this and - beyond that - who can give me an answer that will convince me that they can handle this? Because I'm having trouble figuring out how it's going to work.

This is the absolute worst part of being a working mom. I know we'll work it out deep down inside. But, in the mean time, I'm kinda freaking out.

Yes, I'm Pregnant and Had My Appendix Removed

As you may know I had my appendix removed three weeks ago. What most people didn't know at the time was that I was pregnant. Of course I knew this and my doctors knew this, but I hadn't made it Facebook official or anything... So when I did reveal that I was, in fact, 15 weeks pregnant I received a lot of surprised reactions. So, allow me to take a few minutes to clear the air with some FAQ's.


Were you scared that there was something wrong with the baby?
I woke up in the middle of the night feeling very nauseous and had a terrible stomach ache. I spent a few hours throwing up and being miserable and then wallowed in pain for a while... And the question I get the most has been whether I was scared that something was wrong with the baby. Here is the answer: I wasn't concerned that it was something related to being a pregnant lady. Never.

How did you know it was appendicitis?
My mom showed up to take care of the boys when Matt was leaving for work. I called her into my room where I was wallowing and told her I had the most painful stomach ache ever and I couldn't move. My dad and sister had both had their appendix removed and she very clearly pointed out that I had appendicitis and had to go to the hospital.

It should be mentioned that I also had appendicitis once before (about five years ago), but it was not nearly as bad as this time. It was a crazy busy time at work (like 80 hour work weeks) and I didn't feel like I could take time off, so I convinced my doctors to give me antibiotics and watch me over night. If they re-tested me in the morning and tests were still the same, my appendix could go. And guess who beat appendicitis? Me. But, guess who learned that you can never truly beat appendicitis? This girl.

Were you scared to have surgery?
Not really. First off, I knew what I was in for... I took a shower, dried my hair, and asked my mom to pack my laptop. I knew when I was leaving the house that I would not be coming back for a while. I walked into the ER and told them I had appendicitis. I was prepared. And, seriously, it wasn't as if I had a choice. It had to come out.

I'm also a big believer in trusting that if something happens, it's meant to. This control freak accepted that the entire situation was out of my hands. I also do not allow my mind to go to scared places, which helps. But, when I was on the operating table and moment I let myself think about the boys (in a "what if I don't wake up?" kind of way) for a moment, which I very purposefully did right as they were putting me under. I had my second to freak out and then was happily asleep. This is not a coincidence.

How did it go?
It went pretty well. I had my 16 week appointment and the baby's heart rate sounded good. I have my 20 week appointment next week, which I'm excited about.

Recovery has sucked ass. I've been tired beyond what I thought possible and am still experiencing a considerable amount of discomfort. I went to see my doctor for my follow up and he said it's nerve damage. I'm basically only comfortable when sitting in a reclined position or while standing. Bending over and doing anything that puts stress on my core muscles is kind of like being stabbed by a burning knife. Matt made me laugh so hard twice this weekend while we were driving, which quickly turned into tears and me demanding that he pulled over, so I could stand up. I cannot begin to describe the feeling, just that it's intense, deep, raw, and feels totally overwhelming. My doctor said it can last up to two months. Then I made the mistake of googling, which is never a good idea, so now I'm a little freaked about how long this is going to last.

So, there you have it... My FAQ's of having an appendix removed when pregnant. Did I answer your question? If not, leave it and I will (well, if it's appropriate...).

Good Deeds 2012: Week 20 Paid Maternity Leave For All U.S. Women

Good Deed: Signed the change.org petition to encourage Congress to ensure paid maternity leave for all women. 

Most of my friends haven't been able to take a paid maternity leave. I receive six weeks fully paid and then use vacation, sick, and personal time to make up the additional six weeks. Compared to most people, this is generous. (Matt doesn't receive a single day of paid paternity leave, might I add.)

Many people rely on Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to just ensure they can take 12 weeks off and still have a job, but this doesn't guarantee any pay. I used to think that everyone was covered by FMLA, but that's not the case... There are tons of loop holes. Many women face losing their jobs for wanting to take time off after they have their baby.

Compared to just about every other country, the U.S. does not value working families or protect and and/or provide for working mothers. It's true. And it's terrible. Do yourself a favor and read this blog post. It's worth EVERY word. It's well written, personal, packed with information, and totally awesome. Just read it.

Then sign the petition.

What was your good deed this week?

Words of Wisdom To Get Through The First Few Weeks With An Infant

The first couple weeks at home with a new baby are wonderful and shocking and emotional and a little scary and amazing... And there is no way you can prepare yourself for it. My BFF just had her first baby and I thought of a few things for her (and other new moms) to keep in mind in the first couple of weeks:

Hit the TV for some reality shows in the wee hours.
I made the mistake of holing up with W in his nursery during his nightly feedings, where it was too quiet and the hours seemed to drag on. It was just really isolating. I know it's recommended to stay in a quiet, dark place for the baby - But, seriously, I was a much happier mom the second time around when I filled the DVR up with reality TV and spent my overnight feedings catching up.

I used to turn my nose up at all of these shows, now I credit them with helping me avoid baby blues. You need something fluffy, fast paced, with a good dose of drama, and awesome sounds bites.

Here are my recommended shows: 

• Real Housewives: Any city, any season. These ladies never disappoint. Never.
• Tori & Dean: You somehow find yourself feeling "wow, stars are really just like us" and then are quickly reminded that "oh, no, they aren't.
• NY Ink: I'd never seen a reality tattoo shop show, but I especially enjoyed the drama from Chris Torres and comic relief from Robear. And, seriously, Ami is kind of adorable. And these people are serious artists.
• Tabatha Takes Over: Love her. Not great when you're totally exhausted, because it has slow moments. 
• Bethenny: Entertaining, but not my favorite choice.
• Shahs of Sunset: This show has major late night potential. 

Shows that may seem innocent enough, but should be avoided:

• Intervention: STAY AWAY! Suddenly every drug addict becomes someone's baby and you realize how precious and innocent everyone starts out in life and you start to get really depressed. DO NOT WATCH!
• Hoarders: Also a show that makes you wonder how people can go from the sweet baby in your arms to someone so incredibly broken. Stay away from the sad!
• A Baby Story: Might seem like a good idea, but it just isn't. Trust me.

Stay hydrated.
Your schedule is all over the place. You're often stuck sitting, whether nursing or holding a sleeping baby. You're uncomfortable from the whole birthing thing and the thought of standing and walking is a little too much. Many, many reasons you're not going to refill your water glass. Remember: staying hydrated makes a huge difference with breastfeeding.

Expect to cry.
Get used to crying. Randomly. It's normal, but it's shocking. The crying sneaks up on you just about anywhere. It starts innocently... when you're holding your baby and imagine some kid making fun of them on the playground... And then it starts creeping up just about anytime, like in mid-conversation at dinner. But, we've all been there and it's ok. And then one day it stops.

I often found myself in full tears, ugly crying, and repeating "I don't know why I'm crying. I just don't know why I'm crying." You're crying because you're postpartum. Accept it.

It goes fast.
Sometimes when a baby is crying or won't sleep... or doing some other stressful infant thing it's really easy to get caught up in the moment. Focus on the big picture and remember these moments pass and the weeks fly by in the blink of an eye.

It feels consuming sometimes, like you can't see the forest for the trees. But, focus on the moments and know it goes by fast. This is the only time you'll have with your child when you are totally devoted to holding them, cuddling them, and just being their mom. Savor those moments, even when you're exhausted, because they go so fast.

Having an infant isn't easy, but it's something you'll quickly look back on and recall as being some of the sweetest, most loving moments in your life as a mom.

Any other words of wisdom to add?

In Sickness I'm Much More Appreciative Of My Partner

For the From Left to Write Book Club we read Signs of Life by Natalie Taylor, which inspired this post.

We've had a sick house for the last couple of weeks. Two Sunday trips to the doctor's office in a row finally determined that W had strep and B had a double ear infection. B has been the sickest child I have ever had to care for. His temperature sat between 102 and 105 for three days. He has projectile vomited on me more times than I care to remember. He has had diarrhea (I know this is totally gross, but so is motherhood) beyond what I thought possible. He's refusing food, thickly congested, coughing, cranky, and in pain.

I'm just finishing Signs of Life by Natalie Taylor, sharing the loss of her very young husband before the birth of their first child and her early days of parenting  on her own. Now I'm sick. I'm home bound today, stuck in bed trying to beat whatever it is I caught from my little germ factories. And I wonder how I would have navigated the last week on my own.

At first I planned to write about how unfair wakes are for the family who lost someone, reflecting on my uncle's tragic death only a year ago, and watching my aunt and cousins stand for hours receiving and comforting strangers. But, then, as is often the case, being a parent threw a wrench into those plans. We all got sick and I became aware of how much of a difference it made to have a partner through all of it.

The other night B was laying in bed next to me. I had just given him a bottle and was starting to doze off... And woke as he projectile vomited all over me and the bed. Matt sprung up and grabbed him, took him to the nursery and started to undress him. I pulled off my shirt and then pulled the sheets off the bed. I changed and took B from Matt, who then found fresh sheets, remade the bed, and threw all puke-covered items in the washing machine. It was a true team effort. And we somehow did it without turning on too many lights and waking up W. I try to imagine how I would have handled that on my own. I would have figured it out, but it would have been really hard and it would have included more lights, more crying (both me and B), and an awake 3 year old.

Moments like this leave me in awe of single parents. Whether single by choice or single by tragedy or single by job circumstances that leave them alone for days or weeks or months, they navigate all of the things that I take for granted. It makes me feel like such a wimp. I don't go to the grocery store with the two boys, because why bother?!?! Matt can stay home with them and I can move much quicker on my own. When one of the kids is sick or misbehaving or driving me crazy, I have someone to tag me out. When B's fever sky-rocketed above 105 I had someone to help me make the best decisions about what to do. When W split his eye open and needed stitches, I had someone to drive me to the hospital. Simply said, parenting with a (GOOD) partner is easier.

I commend every single parent out there. They are truly amazing. I don't think a family needs two parents to be successful. Families come in many different styles. But, sitting here sick and feeling bad for myself, the last thing I can imagine having to do tonight is make dinner, bathe the kids, and get them to bed on my own. But, if that were to be my situation, I know I'd have no choice but to do everything I could to take care of my kids and ensure their happiness. Because that's what you do for your kids... Whether parenting on your own or with a partner.

During the fifth month of her pregnancy of her first child Natalie Taylor is devastated by the sudden death of her husband. Her journey with grief is chronicled in the memoir Signs of Life. Join From Left to Write on March 29 as we discuss Signs of Life by Natalie Taylor. As a member of From Left to Write, I received a copy of the book. All opinions are my own.

No Two Sick Kids Are Alike

It's just as everyone says: Your kids will be very different from each other. And mine are very different... Especially when they're sick.

B spiked a 104.6 fever on Saturday evening. The highest fever I have ever seen. He was otherwise happy and seemed normal. Until he wasn't -- And then things went downhill fast. This is the first time I've really dealt with a super sick B. And I just kind of expected it would play out the way it does with W.

In the most simple ways they are the most different:

• W is up throughout the night when sick. B sleeps right through.
• B refuses all medicine, wrestles you, clenches his teeth, spits it out, all drama. W would happily open his mouth for the dispenser and still asks for more.
• B likes Pedialite and happily drinks it. W has never accepted it.
• W tends to get cranky and lethargic when he's sick. B still has a big smile on his face and is still all over the place.
• B is a puker. Actually, he's a projectile vomiter. W rarely throws up. I think he's only thrown up 2 or 3 times.

So, what's the point? The point is this: Once you feel like you know how to deal with a sick kid, the next one will throw you for a loop. Your expectations for having a sick kid and how they'll act (like everything else) continues to change and defy your expectations.

On Not Telling My Sister How To Be A Mom

My sister had a baby boy a few months ago. I've been thinking and thinking about how to post about this. Over thinking it, clearly. But, it's hard to explain the experience of seeing your sister have a baby for the first time.

I'm used to being the one with the babies. Waiting while she was in labor was agonizing. We spent a long day at the hospital and at one point my other sister looked at me and said, "This is your first time doing this, isn't it?!?!" Everyone else had played the waiting room game twice while I was the one on the other side of the doors. It was strange to be the one waiting to meet our new little family member.

Up until now I've been the mom and my sisters have been the aunts. And they're truly amazing aunts. They love my kids like no other. I have often wondered how they love them so much. I'm serious. I see how generous they are with their time and gifts and hugs and affection and wonder how you do that for a kid when they're not yours.

But, now I get it. I see how amazing it is to see your sibling become a parent and have an adorable little guy in your life who isn't yours, but feels pretty close to it. And now I know how hard it is not to tell my sister how to be a parent. I'm the older sister. I've always told her what to do, that's just how it goes.

When she calls to ask about sleeping or feeding or going back to work or anything like that I tend to start telling her what she should do. But, that's not my job. My job is to talk it over, listen, give her ideas, and let her know that being a mom is often difficult, nothing works for everyone, and it gets easier.

This weekend we were talking about Baby C's erratic sleep schedule. Some of my ideas don't work with how she wants to parent, but I didn't stop trying to convince her that she should do it my way. I hung up and Matt told me this: "You cannot tell her what to do. She's not your little sister anymore, she's a mom and you have to let her do it her way. She'll figure it out." And he was right. This is the first time I get to sit back and watch her make her own decisions and know that it will all work in the end. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy being an aunt and watching her figure it all out.

Trust Me, You'll Love Baby #2 Just As Much As #1

Almost everyone I know thinking about having Baby #2 has the same thought: There is NO WAY I will love Baby #2 quite as much.

I thought this too. Actually, I was POSITIVE that there was no way that any baby could ever compete with my love for W. I was really nervous that I wouldn't have enough love for both of them or that I'd always favor W. And then B was born... And I can say to parents thinking about Baby #2: You're wrong. You're beyond wrong. And so was I.

I never, ever imagined how different and fiercely you can love another child without any hint of competition or change in your love for your first child. It's hard to grasp, but your heart grows and stretches beyond what you imagined possible, as does your capacity to love. It's just one of those crazy parenting things.

When people ask me about B, I usually tell them that he and I are connected in a special way. I mean it. I feel a very strong, emotional connection to him, as if he and I have known each other for a very long time. It's hard to explain and might sound totally crazy, but I can look at him and know we're on the same wavelength. There are moments when I'm positive I know what he's thinking or that we're in on the same joke. And he loves me in the sweetest way. He has been wrapping his arms around my neck and fiercely hugging me for months and just this weekend he grabbed my cheeks and put his lips to mine. I'm convinced it was the first time he kissed me.

We were all having dinner the other night and W started asking when B will be old enough to play with him more. I asked if he remembered life without B and he had to really think about it... and so did I. As each day passes it's getting harder to remember life before B. It's almost as if we were all waiting for him to get here. And it will be the same for your family. I can't promise many things when it comes to parenting, but I can promise that.

Sleep Training Baby #2: Same Stress, Better Perspective

Disclaimer: This is an outdated photo of a sleeping Baby B. Still adorable, though.

Right now we're potty training and sleep training (yeah, gooood times!). You can guess which kid is going through their respective stage, right? These are seriously two of the hardest pieces of parenting that we've experienced. Since potty training has been rough and I can't tell you what works, today I'd like to focus on sleep training your second child. You feel confident after successfully training #1, but it's still stressful for mom and dad.

Here is what we've learned this week about sleep training: it doesn't necessarily get easier with your second baby. We had much of the same concerns training B at seven months that we did when we trained W at nine months. But, we both know it's time. B slept through the night from two months to four months, but for the last three months he's been up all night. Our nights have been dominated by a baby in bed between us, waking up and wanting to be comforted. He likes to sleep with his forehead pressed against mine, which is sweet until you find yourself using the bedside table for a pillow. I started to reach low points of exhaustion after three months of not sleeping. It was time.

We used the Ferber Method, which worked like a charm for W. The first night is stressful. B woke up crying and after five minutes Matt went in to comfort him, then we waited ten before comforting again, and then 15 before another visit. And then... Silence. Sweet silence.

It was a painful 40 minutes. We stared at each other, tried to watch Portlandia, and I googled "Ferber Method night one" in search of posts and articles to reinforce that we were doing the right thing. Listening to your baby cry is torture and nothing makes you question yourself more as a parent, even the second time around. Even when you know it's right.

But there was a distinct difference this time around: Perspective. It's almost as if we've looked ahead in the book and see it will be alright... We know that ultimately we're doing what's best. With W we weren't sure whether we were doing the right thing or how long it would take. We also didn't know how much of a difference a reliable sleep schedule makes. Hannemaniacs are happy with reliable sleep. And in 2012 we're bringing reliable sleep back into this house.

Parenting is about making difficult decisions that you know will be best in the long run. Every parenting decision feels heavy. They don't feel easier just because you've made them before.

It's Night 4 and we're still not out of the woods (though he did sleep through the night on Night 3). Each night has gotten better, but it could still take come time. We're still stressed about when we might hear him cry, but we're not nearly as freaked out as we were last time around.

Hopefully potty training will be similar in a few years, because right now it's hell.

Note: There are extreme opinions encouraging or discouraging just about every choice you make in parenting and sleeping is one of those hot topics. I love comments (really I do), but if they're attack comments, they'll be deleted. We all raise our children differently. You have your way. I have mine. Let's not attack each other's decisions.

When A Mom Blogger Has Nothing

I'm sitting in a hotel room. By myself. That never happens. Ever.
We're in Omaha for a wedding, which we are both honored to be a part of, for our good friends Angie and Jamie. We came in a day early to spend the night with family that we don't get to see enough. It's the first time we've gotten on a plane together and flown away from our kids. I wasn't anxious or worried or anything like that. It was just weird. As we pulled away from the house I kept feeling like I was forgetting something. I realized it was B, who is attached to me any time I'm not at work. (Note: Since arriving in cold Omaha, I also realized it was the wrap to wear with my bridesmaid dress...)

It's weird being alone. I'm sitting in my hotel room while Matt is off picking up his tuxedo. It's that time between nails and rehearsal. I caught up on some WORK work and then thought... How about a nap? Except they're banging on something above our room. Well, I figured, I have about 500 posts that are sitting in my head, why not write one? And then I opened my blog. I stared at the screen. And nothing.

Such is the life of a mom blogger. When your hands are full, the inspiration for posts clutters up the little space left in your brain. But, the second you have silence... Nothing.

Sleep Patterns Impact Everything

The last two months have been tremendous when it comes to bed time around here. Both kids have been total champs about going down easy and staying asleep... Until last week when things started to unravel. Not fair to do to parents who have gotten used to a full night's sleep for a while.

W is now refusing to fall asleep unless one of us lays in bed with him and - if we don't - has a new habit of letting himself out of his room. B broke his normal habit of sleeping through the night with waking for a 3:00 am feeding and then it became a 20 minute cycle of feeding, putting down, crying, cuddling, putting down, crying, and on and on. (And Matt was out of town last weekend, which meant little to no sleep for mom and Nana had to come over to help with bedtime.)

I know kids have phases and sleep patterns that will change many times. But, once you get into a routine, you depend on it. Every detail impacts the next. For example, Matt couldn't take Howie for a walk this morning, because he opened the bathroom door after his shower and found W standing there with his blanket ready to start the day at 5:30, rather than his normal 6:00. Normally, I get into the shower at 5:30 and W wakes up as Matt gets home from his walk. But, I didn't get up on time, because I was a train wreck, having slept holding a baby off and on through the night.

That all translated into me pulling up to the train station as the gates went down and then my mom driving to a different station to catch the next train with Howie rolling around in the back of her car along with some hand weights and W constantly asking WHERE we were going, WHY we were going that way, and insisting he didn't like it. I ran for the train, caught it, but then was getting in the city five minutes later, which meant I didn't have time to stop for coffee. And now I'm still tired. See where I'm going with this?

Parenting is all about flexibility, rolling with the punches, and handling what life throws at you, but dammit, it's also about a schedule... If only the munchkins in this house would respect that.

Advice: Don't ever get too comfortable or reliant on a schedule, because you never know what next week will bring.

One Day I'll Be A Reader Again

For the From Left to Write Book Club we read Carry Yourself Back To Me by Deborah Reed. This post was inspired by the book.

I love reading. It has always been one of my favorite things to do. Nothing is quite as satisfying as a really incredible book... the kind you have trouble putting down and grab at any chance you get. I don't read nearly as much as I used or as I'd like to. It's dropped way down on my priority list and has become something that I do on my train commute three days a week.

One of the things that you don't really prepare yourself for when having children is the loss of your ability to just read really good books. You don't have time for reading the same way and when you do... Well, you might just find yourself nodding off (at least you will if you're me). And then there's those parenting books that you feel like you should be reading instead. Books on sleep training, feeding, and behavior. Books that you don't even buy for yourself, but find stacked on your bedside table. Books you promise yourself you'll get to... One day. (For the record, I still haven't gotten to these.)

I constantly worry about how fast this time with the boys is going to go. I so want to be present right now and enjoy every minute, but there is this tiny little piece of me that looks forward to a time when I can read again. It's hard to think that there will ever be a time when I can spend two hours lost in a good book.

So, why am I telling you this? Because I just read a book that grabbed me in that way and forced me to find the time. There was something that connected with me on a really great level. The writing was wonderful. The characters were real. And the book just made me feel warm and cozy. It sucked me in and I liked being there for a week.

It made me think of how many other great books I've been waiting to read, so many books I can't get to right now. I know I'll get to them eventually and the time away from feeling like a reader is well worth it. Until then I'm keeping a list of all the books I'll read one day when my little ones are not so little. And, when I have the time, I'm sure I'll be wishing I didn't.

DISCLOSURE: I received a complimentary copy of Carry Yourself Back To Me. To see how others were inspired by this book, visit From Left to Write.

List for Getting Ready for Baby #2

I found getting ready for Baby #2 to be an entirely different experience than #1. You don't receive a list like you did the first time. No presents are arriving at your door and there isn't a shower to make sure you have all the odds and ends. Instead you try to remember what you'll actually use, where you put it, and then dust it off. And you feel like you should just know what to do. Except this time around you're getting ready for a baby with another kid to take care of, so it's not just about you and baby this time around.

A friend of mine recently asked for some advice as she prepares for #2, so I've put together a little list of the top five things to get ready for Baby #2:

1. STOCK UP. Stock up on necessities. Toilet paper, paper towels, detergent, diapers, frozen chicken, pasta, crackers. Have back-ups of everything you use on a daily or weekly basis that isn't fresh. The last thing you are going to want to do with two kids in the midst of post-partum recovery is go to the store. This will give you an opportunity to make a quick trip to the store for a few things. Good excuse for a get-away that wouldn't take too long.

2. CLOTHES. Go through all the baby clothes. Donate the pieces that are stained or over-worn. Pull out what will work for your current season and then wash and organize by size. It doesn't just stop with baby's clothes... Don't forget you have another one who is probably going to transition into a new season and size in the first few months of baby. Get online and get your basics covered. Trust me, the thought of hitting up Gap Kids or Old Navy after the baby is born will put you over the edge.

3. YOUR NEEDS. Don't forget about you. Get yourself at least four new pairs of yoga pants and lots of comfortable cotton t-shirts. I was pretty happy with the Liz Lange Maternity line from Target. This will be your uniform and with how tired and yucky feeling you may be, having newish clothes that aren't already faded out and stained will make you feel a little better. Also, don't forget to have plenty of pads on hand (ladies, it's the truth), as well as extra shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, face wash, moisturizer... All of those things you don't want to all of sudden be without one morning. It also might be a good idea to get some sort of dry shampoo and bronzer for those last minute visitors.

4. MEALS. I always bring good friends a couple of meals when they have new babies, mainly because feeding people is just kind of in my blood. Since we were living with my parents when W was born, I had no idea what a life saver meals are in the first two weeks. I, personally, hate pre-made frozen meals from the grocery store. So, I went to our local poultry place and purchased a few meals and then two of my most awesome friends brought me a few meals. This was huge. HUGE. Enlist some help if you don't have rock stars who might just bring meals over or cook now and freeze. Trust me, LIFE SAVER.

5. DOUBLE STROLLER. I completely underestimated what double stroller hunting was going to be like, so waited until the baby was here to do it. And then I put it off week after week until I couldn't handle it anymore. If you are having a baby when the weather permits you to go outside, get your double stroller ahead of time. Don't wait. Go get one. And if you're me, you should go get the Bumbleride. It's expensive, but I LOVE it. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it.

There you have it! Just be ready to feel like a real official mom. I felt like a mom with W, but having a second is very different. There's something really cool about having a newborn when you already trust your mom instincts, are confident in your mothering skills, and have this insane capacity for love that only mothers have for their children.

When to Explain 9/11 to Your Toddler?

We've been avoiding 9/11 coverage all week. W still talks about "those poor people who lost all their things" in the tsunami. He asked question after question when it happened. We tried to answer them as honestly as possible. I can't imagine doing that with 9/11. There is a very big difference between a natural disaster and terrorism.

A three year old has no ability to understand something this horrific. And a parent of a toddler has no place creating that kind of fear in their children. I believe in being honest with him about everything I can. But all in due time... None of us are ready for this conversation yet.

It was nice to have to avoid it this year, because it meant that we didn't get sucked into the media coverage and could choose to think about it in our own ways. Now that we have kids, it means something entirely different. Now I think of the moms and dads who were killed, the scared children coming home to a frantic parent. And the fear. I can't imagine experiencing that kind of fear myself or seeing it in my child's eyes.

On 9/11 I was in Iowa City visiting my sister. I had just graduated, but went back to see her and some friends. I was supposed to leave on Monday, but stayed longer. I was waiting tables and looking for a job at the time, trying to decide where to go and what to do with my life. Iowa City was still home to me and my sister was living in the house I had lived in for two years.

My mom called and woke us up to tell us that something was happening in New York and we needed to turn on the tv. We turned on The Today Show minutes before the second tower was hit. My plan was to move to New York at the time and most of my resumes had been sent to publishing companies there, yet it seemed so far away that morning.

My sister and I got into an argument about something I can't even remember, as we tend to do under any amount of stress. I packed up my stuff and left her house in a huff. She kept telling me that given the current events, I should stay. But, I just wanted to go. It was such a weird time - Iowa City had been my home for four years and I missed it terribly, but I just wanted to get out of there. In my mind I knew that it was safer than heading back to Chicago. The more rural, the better, but I couldn't sit still. So, I got in my car, turned on NPR, and started the drive home.

Even in the middle of corn fields, the silence was heavy. The normal busy campus was dead, as everyone was either sleeping or glued to their televisions. Driving down the highway was more of the same. There were few cars on the road and those that were drove with a remarkable amount of care, minding the speed limit, hands at ten and two. I remember making eye contact with a guy driving next to me and having this strange connection, knowing we were both flying solo in complete peace while there was so much chaos.

I would listen to the radio for a bit, then drive in silence, then try some music, but always get pulled back to NPR to try to make sense of what was going on. I remember the drive went quickly.

I don't remember much else about the following days, except the night I was laying in bed at my parents house and I heard a plane fly overhead for the first time since 9/11. It woke me up with a panic. All my life I was used to the constant sound of planes overhead, having grown up directly under the flight pattern to O'Hare. It was a sound I had never even paid attention to, but the silence that followed 9/11 gave it an incredible amount of power.

On 9/11 Matt was in grad school in Vancouver. An American in Canada on 9/11. He received apologies from Canadians, went to the ocean and just sat, feeling the same heavy silence. There were others there sitting as well, staring out at the ocean. Possibly Americans, taking a moment to feel closer to home. He saw it as an outsider without the flag waving being shoved down his throat and  I think his version and perspective might be better. So, maybe his tale will be the one we choose to share.

I don't know how to explain 9/11 to a child. But I'm thankful I have at least another year to figure it out. I read somewhere that we are all victims of 9/11. I'm not going to pretend that I am nearly as affected by anyone who was there or lost a loved one. But, I can say that every generation of parents has had their own 9/11 to discuss with their children.

This was just seems beyond what I can comprehend right now.

Rough Morning With a Silver Lining

11:00 pm: Went to sleep.

1:45 am: B wakes up, diaper change, feeding, and unusually long fussy time.

3:45 am: I lay back down.

4:00 am: W is calling me from his room because he has wet through his diaper. This also happened a few days ago and the mattress pad is not on the bed. Wake up Matt to clean up the kid while I strip the sheets and do an internet search for "how to clean urine out of mattress." Clean spot with carpet cleaner, sprinkle with baking soda, and then cover with plastic.

4:30 am: I get back in bed and B starts to fuss. I take him out to calm him down.

4:45 am: Matt's alarm clock goes off and W refuses to go back to sleep. We watch two episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

5:30 am: Matt leaves for work. I convince W to lay down with me once B falls asleep.

5:45 am: Diaper explosion from B, explaining his fussiness that bothered him all night.

6:00 am: I give up on sleep. Pour a cup of coffee and decide to write a blog post.

Reality: I'm exhausted and not looking forward to dealing with a very tired W all day.

Silver Lining: I got to write a blog post!

Dirty Diapers Bring Out My Inner Snail

For the From Left to Write Book Club we read The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elizabeth Tova Bailey. This post was inspired by the book.

I don't often think of snails. The most I've ever thought of them was when I was in Dublin for a writing program at Trinity University. I remember these incredible, gigantic snails slowing making their way across the sidewalk in the early morning when I would head out for a run. Sometimes I'd see what could very well be the same snail finally making it to the other side as I returned from my run, a faint glistening trail marking its slow crossing.

Reading about the complexities of a snail and the experience of having nothing to do but observe one, I realized something... Even I have a little snail in me. In the book Bailey is stuck in bed due to illness, so as she observes a snail living by her bedside, she notices the focus, patience, and determination of these little creatures. She notices that its actions are all very specific and well thought out. No matter what the obstacle, the snail would slowly and methodically go about its business.

With W, I learned quickly that moms get lots of overwhelming curve balls thrown our way. Tasks or situations that seem really out of control happen a lot. For instance, the diaper explosion. I mean the crazy explosions that go up the back and down to the toes of the footy pajamas. And they always seem to be the worst when you're in public, right?

When faced with an explosion, the freak out button is blinking, tempting you to give in. The task just seems so huge -- And always an emergency. It's hard to figure out where to begin, so I learned early on to take a deep breath, assess the situation, and then create steps in my head of how I would get W clean. I often talked myself through it. "Unzip the sleeper, wipe down stomach, pull out on leg, wipe, pull out the other leg, wipe, roll up sleeper poop side in along the back, remove diaper and wipe down diaper area, flip onto front side, wipe down back, lean baby face forward and pull sleeper away from the head, sliding out the arms, full wipe down...."

Sure, it could take 15 minutes to change these monster diapers, but once I would make it half way, I knew I was almost there. I would constantly remind myself that no matter how long it takes and how much he screams, there is no way to make the process go any faster. The more rushed I became, the more poop I got on myself and the more wipes I wasted. In the end, slow and methodical always won the race.

Slow and methodical is not a comfort zone for me. I live in constant fear of wasting time. I tend to read the first line of directions, check the picture, and then figure things out on my own. I am constantly multi-tasking. Focus on one task is not a strength of mine. Trying to be patient gives me anxiety. But, when you're a mom, you can't always bulldoze your way through every situation (bulldozing is my preferred way of handling things). Sometimes you just have to channel your inner snail.

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book as a member of the From Left to Write Book Club. To read how other bloggers were inspired by this book, visit From Left to Write.