New Nanny, Frustrating Reference

After kind of freaking when our nanny quit last month, I switched gears and put a ton of time into trying to find a replacement. I interviewed seven candidates and instantly felt comfortable with the woman I chose. She is warm, sweet, trusting, smart, and her references were really solid.

So, now we have Nanny C working with us. The transition has been more difficult that I anticipated. W is pushing limits. He isn't listening well and I've caught him taking a surprising tone with her. I know he'll get more comfortable with her in time, but it's hard to see him act this way. It's hard to go to work and just hope he listens. I'm just not feeling confident.

Maybe it has something to do with on a comment that one of her references made that is eating at me... In response to a question I asked about thoughts on Nanny C's ability to take a 4 year old, 18 month old, and infant to a park, the reference responded with something like this: "I think that would be difficult for anyone. Are you sure you're comfortable with someone else doing that with your kids?"

My response was something like: "Well, I don't think I have a choice but to trust someone."

This conversation has played over and over again in my head... It felt judgmental, because really it was none of her business. She wasn't answering my question about Nanny C's capabilities, she was questioning my choices. The whole situation struck me a as strange. I chalked it up to the fact that she was a new mother of a 15 month old and was still getting comfortable having other people watch her son.

Then Nanny C mentioned to me that the other mother she works with (who happened to be said reference) doesn't work. And it pissed me off. Because, seriously, this woman has no idea what I'm facing in hiring a nanny for my (soon-to-be) three children. Her reasons for having a nanny and my reasons are very different. Working moms question their decisions enough, as does everyone else.

A word of advice if you are ever a reference check for a nanny: The referral is for the specific candidate, not whether you think they should hire a nanny or not.