I've lost two uncles. Both died tragically, leaving young children and grieving wives behind. Because of that Matt and I have generous life insurance policies. You just never know. I'm realistic and have always thought through how I would survive if something were to happen to Matt. Pay off the house, get all of us in major therapy, quit my job,focus on the kids... All the big picture stuff, not necessarily the day-to-day stuff.
Then Matt was out of town on business last week. What was supposed to be a quick Wednesday to Friday trip to New York ended up being a four night stay thanks to the monster blizzard that hit the Northeast. It was my first time being alone with all three kids and - go figure - Baby A got an ear infection, B's night terrors returned for a couple nights, and W just spent time missing his dad and coughing (thanks, asthma!). Parenting without a partner in the best situation is not easy. This situation pretty much sucked. We had a lot of help from my mom and a sitter. The timing was tough, though, and I averaged about two hours of sleep each night.
On top of all the kid stuff, I just missed having him around. Matt and I don't spend many nights apart. It's not a weird, co-dependant thing, it's just that neither of us have had to travel much for work or anything like that. This was the longest we've spent apart and the longest our kids have spent away from one of us.
I came to this conclusion: I really love my husband. I'm not good at the emotional, lovey stuff. I'm better at a self-deprecating sense of humor or making a joke when I'm uncomfortable dealing with emotions. But, he's a great dad, a really great husband. and our house is different when he isn't here. I love having an engaged partner, but the day-to-day stuff isn't nearly the same when they're gone. It only took me a few days to figure that out. I can't imagine if it was a lifetime.
This post was inspired by Saturday Night Widows by Becky Aikman. After being kicked out of her widow support group for being too young, Becky creates her own support group with an unusual twist. Join From Left to Write on February 14 as we discuss Saturday Night Widows. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.