"It's not me, it's you." That's basically the text I received last week from our new nanny. After a search on Care.com, Neighborhood Parents Network, and through my own personal network, I chose who I thought was really the best fit for our family. If we were dating, I would say that I made the safe choice, someone that I was comfortable with, seemed fun, but wasn't out of my league.
I went back to work last Monday, but she needed an extra week due to an unexpected death in her family, so I took off the rest of the week. I spent a couple of days introducing her to the kids, showing her around the house, brought her to preschool. After Day 2 I received a text message at 1 am. She informed me that she wasn't going to return the next day, because she "bit off more than she could chew." I saw the text at 3 am and spent the next few hours freaking out.
I don't have any hard feelings for her. I'm thankful that she was honest with herself and me. This isn't an easy job. A four year old, 20 month old, and three month old is a BIG job. And B is incredibly active. But I warned her about all of that and she said she was up for it. I was up front about what our life is like. There was no sugar coating it. Looking back, I was probably ignoring the fact that she didn't jump in as I would have liked, allowed me to change most of the diapers, make lunches, and kept repeating how fun and energetic the kids were again and again.
In her defense, she started at the most complicated time in our house... Matt had been caught in New York the weekend before and a lot of the stuff we were planning on doing wasn't done. We had been rearranging furniture and bookshelves. I wanted to see if things would grow on me, but they only cramped our house and made it feel crazy. So, there were things out of order (that's a generous way of explaining it). A had an ear infection and I was averaging maybe four hours of sleep each night (she spent the days crying and I looked/acted like a zombie). To compound these issues our house cleaner was here, which is tough in a house as small as ours. It was a lot. And we probably didn't put our best face forward. But, seriously, if she couldn't handle the worst, then she's not the right person for the job.
It just feels weird to be broken up with by a nanny via text message. I don't have any closure. It sucks. Luckily we didn't have cell phones when I was in high school, because this is no way to end a relationship.
The thing that makes me feel the worst is that W and B really liked her. Just today W was telling Matt how fun she was and when I went to his preschool on Friday, I was complimented on my new nanny choice by the director. That stung a little. Once a relationship is over you don't want to hear about how great your ex is, right?
So, I did what happens after a break up. I went back to the safe place. I altered the days that I need childcare and hired back a former sitter who I know will be reliable for the couple of weeks while I find a permanent replacement.
This weekend we put the furniture back where it belonged, packed up all the books we didn't need, and got better control of the house. I took a break from searching after having Childcare PTSD. But tomorrow I'll jump back online and start the long process once again.Wish me luck.