False Labor and How Not to Deal With It

I didn't go into labor with W. I didn't even get close. So, there is a part of me that wonders if I'll even know when I'm in labor. Clearly, I can't tell you how to deal with being in labor, but I can tell you how not to deal with false labor.

I've been having contractions on and off for the last week. Things are happening. Wanting to be responsible and after being nudged by a friend, I called my doctor's office on Tuesday to let them know that movement had totally slowed down. I left the nurse a voicemail around noon and then was away from my desk for the rest of the afternoon. She called me back three times, insisting I go to Labor and Delivery to get on a monitor.

So, here are a few gems that I've learned in the last week that I'd like to share with you. For many, these are obvious no-no's. For me, not so much.

Things Not To Do When Dealing With False Labor:

1. Don't say to the nurse on the phone who has just told you to go to the hospital: "Really, I have to go to the hospital? I can't just wait until my appointment tomorrow?" You will receive silence and a sigh before hearing "No."

2. When you do go to the hospital, do not say to the nurse: "This should take like 15 minutes, right?" You will get a blank stare and then spend the next two hours watching the clock while hooked up to a monitor.

3. Do yourself a favor and don't start to complain to yourself that the bed you're laying in isn't very comfortable and the room feels stuffy and the volume on the tv is pretty bad... Because you'll be spending a lot of time there in the very near future.

4. When your friends can see a nervous look on your face while you're chatting after dinner/having contractions and offer to drive you home, do not insist on taking the train. I'm glad I changed my mind. (Thankfully I have friends who know me well...)

5. When you're having contractions in the middle of the night and decide to go watch some tv, do not under any circumstances watch Steel Magnolias... Especially if you work for a diabetes organization. Weeping through contractions alone on the couch... Not cool.

Under two weeks until the due date... Just imagine what other lessons I still have time to learn.