9.30.2009

Quality Time

So, for the past three nights W has woken up screaming inconsolably while pointing to our bedroom. The first night at 2 am, the second at midnight, and then last night... 10 pm. Not normal behavior for our Ferberized baby who has been an awesome sleeper. At first I thought he was cold, but we have a new theory now... Could it be that he misses me?

I know, I know, this is totally egocentric. But, seriously, I only saw the kid for about an hour total yesterday. I don't mean to give him too much credit, but is he starting to figure out that spending time with me while sleeping may be the only real time he gets with me during the work week? It's depressing, right? But, I think I'm right.

I chose to go to yoga last night, therefore forfeiting time I could have spent with the little guy. I felt a stab of guilt as Matt held him and I ran out the door. He watched and those big brown eyes fell as he pointed at me. No tantrums, no freak-out, yet the disappointment was written all over his little face. But, I stand behind my decision. I need that time. I really do. It makes me a better mom, person, employee, wife, and friend. Most importantly, I don't like living in my head quite as unbalanced as it gets if I don't give myself this class. Plus, it's only once a week that I really set aside time for myself. I don't have to justify it.

While I wrestle with the guilt in seeing that little face watch me dash out, I also see that it will benefit him more if I'm a better person. If that means I don't sleep well for a couple of nights while he is nestled in my neck, I'm ok with it. It's a small price to pay.

1 comment:

Kari said...

So he is back sleeping in bed with you! I thought you broke that habit! Not judging you...I am not mom so not sure what I will do when I am in that situation.