8.30.2010

"Don't Go To Work, Mama"

This morning as I was getting ready to head out to work the little guy grabbed my skirt, looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said: "Please don't go to work, mama."

It was the first time he had asked me to stay home. He even said please. And all I could do was tell him I was sorry, that I had to go. He didn’t cry or beg or tantrum over it, just accepted it, which made it so much worse. It was almost as if he knew I’d go, but gave it his best try.

I thought about this all day while I sat at my desk and worked. I like my job, it felt like I was in the right place, but seeing myself through his eyes made me wonder. I never questioned working out of the home, but it seems like he might be.

I knew separation issues would come and it was a minor version of what can be painful tantrums for most moms, but I don't want to forget what I saw in his eyes this morning. It's a good reminder to constantly evaluate if you're doing the right things for yourself and your family. I still think that I am, even if he can't see it right now.

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