Dear Naked Lady

Dear Naked Lady in the Locker Room:

I get it, I get it, you're one with your body. You're doing bikram yoga and are feeling the inner peace and strong body vibes. That's cool. And usually I'm fine with locker room nakedness, but you have crossed the line.

Strolling around the locker room, striking up conversation with people in the buff is a bit uncomfortable. Somehow you missed out on the unwritten rule of limited eye contact while in the locker room buff. Did you notice I buried my face in my towel? Well, that wasn't because I almost passed out during class, it's because I was trying to avoid eye contact. You attempted eye contact and I looked away, which meant I didn't want to chat. Nor did I want you standing in front of me to do some post-class stretching. You could have kindly faced the wall, rather than me sitting on a bench.

It's kind that you insist other people shower before you, even when you are clearly the next person who should hop in. But, really, I'm onto you. You're just trying to prolong your locker room nakedness. And when the lady was looking for the brush and you pulled out the lost and found box to help her go through it... That was nice, too. But, did you notice how quickly she mentioned it wasn't a big deal, she'd just buy a new one. She could have been looking for a diamond and would have said the same thing just to get away from having to look through the box you're holding conveniently below your breasts.

These would all be easy enough to brush off. However, there is one vision I can't quite bleach from my brain. And that is of you crouched underneath the hand dryer. I assume you were drying off your body after being soaked in sweat, but have you thought about using a towel? Did you notice the location of the hand dryer? It's the first thing that people walk into upon entering the locker room. You did notice that, right? Because I assume that's why you were there drying off in a number of unfortunate positions. That, my friend, is where you crossed the line.



Windtraveler said...

Ohmygodiamlaughingsohardinearlypeedmypants!!! Sigh. Too bad I was in the shower when this all went down. But don't say I didn't warn you - I told you she was cukoo for cocoa puffs!! Awesome.

Alma said...

What a lovely show. Perhaps next time you can ask her who does her bikini waxes.

Or not.

Marketing Mommy said...

Whoops. Left that comment under the wrong login. Alma=Marketing Mommy

Lady Hannemaniac said...

My oh my, not a bikini wax on this lady for a long time... Which only added to my enjoyment.